Battling Jealousy......

 

            I'm probably the only one here that battles with jealousy.  

I'm not sure why, but I've always been a jealous person without much self confidence.  I'm sure it's due to my insecurity in my looks/body.  I wonder at times how anyone could possibly want me.  That's not being very nice to myself, is it?  

I've always been heavy and people have been sure to point it out to me my entire life.  It's either been my father, my mother's mother, classmates, co-workers, ex-husband... you name it, people have pointed it out as though I can't see it in the mirror every single day of my life.  And if people can't pick on me for anything else, they'll definitely define me based on my weight.

I love my boyfriend very much.  He tells me he loves me, but it's difficult for me to believe because I don't know how much I truly love myself.  

Because of my insecurities, I have a heightened awareness of other women he may look at or talk to.  In my mind, even though he has no intentions, my mind throws me into thinking he's scoping out someone else because of how I look.  

He gets quite frustrated with me because of my insecurity and I'm concerned it's pushing him away.  That's not my intent whatsoever!  But that green eyed monster takes over my brain and emotions.  If I can be honest, it's one thing I hate about myself.  If I could remove the jealousy, I would.  

Anyone who says they're not jealous at all is probably lying.  In some respects a bit of jealousy shows how much you care for your partner.  Too much, on the other hand, can cause relationship issues.

Because I'm also an over-thinker, the jealousy incorporated with that can be devastating.  My mind will race to different scenarios of what COULD happen.  That makes my mind race even more. LOL

While I know I should have a deeper talk with him, I'm afraid to.  He gets upset when I bring up him possibly looking at other women.  He tells me I don't have to worry about him cheating on me.  So WHY is it so difficult for me to accept that?  

It's something I continue to work on to be better and do better.  

Do you ever get jealous of your significant other?  How do you handle it?

Have a great rest of your week and I'll catch you on the flip side!

Do You Get Quiet? . . . .

 Do You Get Quiet?

In my life I've had a tendency to get quiet.  

What exactly do I mean by that?  Well, if I'm feeling overwhelmed, stressed, mis-understood, anxiety, etc... I tend to get 'quiet'.  It's been my go-to response when I don't know how to react to a certain situation.  

I don't know the right words to say so I become silent.  You know the saying, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.  

Part of it is not wanting to say something I'll later regret and part of it is a type of 'freeze' or 'fawn' type of trauma response.  

I'm guessing I'm not the only one who experiences this in life.  Some people are ready to fight it out, defend what they feel is right... some, like me, just draw inward into a shell until the 'storm' passes over.  

Unfortunately, my quietness can be misconstrued to make others think I'm angry, or that I think I'm better than the other person, or just plain flaky.  

It's just my emotional response.  I don't always do well with confrontation.  It just depends on the situation and the lack of confidence I have in myself.

Empaths also get 'quiet'.

As the picture above states, Empaths get quiet.  We can get overwhelmed as we pick up on the vibes of all of those around us, constantly reading people, feeling their feelings.... and the only way for Empaths to try to re-ground ourselves is to get quiet, to shut out all the vibrations and noises we're being subjected to.  

If you're not an Empath, it may be difficult to understand how we absorb the emotions/feelings of most everyone we come in close contact with.  It's not a choice as it just happens, but the choice we do have is to create healthy boundaries, meditation and even therapy.

All this to say, please don't be too quick to judge someone who has become 'quiet'.  They just need time to process what's been sensed from others.  We eventually come back to our grounded selves. ;)