What Would You Tell Your Younger Self?

 

What Would You Tell Your Younger Self?

Quite the loaded question, wouldn't you say?  It's one of those 'deep thinker' type questions.

Time passes by so quickly.  It seems like just yesterday I was 12 about to turn 13 and become a full-fledged teenager!  How can I be 57 with 2 children and 6 grandchildren?  Doesn't quite seem possible. 

I've thought about this many different times.  Part of what makes me ponder on this question is thinking about my children, because I'd do it all again just to have my kids.  But if there was something I would tell my younger me, it would be to SLOW DOWN and set HEALTHY BOUNDARIES.  

When I was young, I could see all of my friends having significant others and it put the belief in my mind that the only way I could be worthy in this life would be to have a man and be married, because if I didn't have a man, I must not be worth much, not attractive enough.  How crazy is that?  The first man that would truly have me, I jumped on the bandwagon.  

I would tell myself, 'Are you sure this is who/what you want? Remember that you'll be tied to this person and once you bring kids into the world, you're tied forever through them.  Set aside the sex, how does he treat you?  Does he bring you true happiness, peace, comfort and joy to your life?  If he's not and causing problems before you even walk down the aisle, don't you think you really should STOP and think things through?'  

Chances are, I probably wouldn't have necessarily listened to myself because how many 23-year-olds listen, TRULY LISTEN, to their elders and take their advice?  Very few.  

Take some quiet time and really think about this question.  Your answers may surprise you. 

Blessed Be!!

Silence ...

 

First off, have you ever looked at a word so long you wonder if it's spelled correctly, where it even came from or maybe even forget what the heck it means?  LOL  

Just me?  Alrighty then... LOL

Silence is a word that can be used in different contexts depending on the situation.  The room can be filled with silence, or you could swear someone to silence, etc... .

Silence, for me, is something I need to learn to have more of in my life, as in, keeping my own mouth in silence from time to time.  

I feel as though I can share some things with certain people then realize, when the words are out, that it was a huge mistake.  Then I chastise myself for even opening my mouth.  

You'd think, as I get older, I'd know by now that certain people just don't need to know some things.  I'm a very trusting soul and that, many times, is my downfall.  I have the mentality that most other people think and feel the same way I do, which unfortunately is NOT the case.  

If I can give one small nugget of advice, keep many of your personal thoughts close to your heart, only speak what's absolutely necessary and keep your opinions out of the conversation.  Many times, those words just come back and bite you in the end.

Stay safe out there everyone!  Be ever aware of your surroundings and know this is a safe zone.

Blessed Be!!

  

Save Yourself...........

 

Happy Post Christmas, Yule, Kwanzaa or whatever you may be celebrating this holiday season!

With the holidays also comes a great deal of stress.  Between the traveling and the cost of buying gifts on top of just trying to survive financially & emotionally, the build-up of these stressors, can create short fuses.

While I'm not suggesting that anyone live by walking on eggshells, I am suggesting that you be aware of your surroundings and the temperaments of those around you.  It could save your life.

I keep reading, almost daily, of someone being murdered by their spouse.  This typically doesn't just happen out of the blue.  There are signs/red flags that can lead up to horrible consequences.  

I used to be in a terribly verbally/emotionally abusive marriage.  While he didn't hit me, his words cut me like a knife and left scars no one could see and caused PTSD.  Because of his volatile behavior, once he received the divorce paperwork, he was coming after me and I was told later that he wanted to kill me.  I was fortunate enough to live in a smaller rural town where everyone knew him and our local police department was a tremendous help to me for many months.

All this to say, if you're in an abusive relationship, please SAVE YOURSELF!!  

While I know it can be terrifying, believe me when I say you'll be so glad you got out when you did!  You'll have peace in your life, and you'll still be ALIVE to help others out of similar situations.  

Please don't allow yourself to be a statistic.  If your spouse/significant other has promised you they'd change and they haven't, don't believe that lie ever again.  Because I'm an empath, I kept believing it would get better and eventually we'd be a happy family.  It did NOT get better, he kicked our daughter out of our home and two weeks later I took my son and left as my ex had gotten into my son's face, nose to nose, screaming and I was concerned my ex would hit our son.  I sat there thinking "What the HELL am I doing to my kids??".  

It wasn't easy, but with the support of friends and family, we were able to escape his wrath, and I want the same for anyone reading this who may be in an abusive situation.  

I was extremely fortunate, and I want you to be safe as well!  I don't want you leaving children and/or family members behind trying to deal with what happened to you. 

Protect yourself at all costs!!  We need you around!!!!

Blessed Be!!!

 

A Light at the End of the Tunnel. .

 

Happy Thanksgiving to all who celebrate!

I hope this blog finds you all doing well.  I'm happy to say that for the first time in quite some time, I've been feeling lighter and happier.  Why, you may ask?  I put in my 2-week notice at my current job.  To say it's been toxic would be an understatement.  

Have you ever been in a toxic situation in life where you keep hanging on hoping it will eventually get better?  Me too. I've given 2 years of my life and labor and certain things have not changed.  I felt unheard, misunderstood as well as undervalued.  

I was at my previous job for 25 years, so I'm not a job hopper, but I also don't want to keep hanging around & hoping that things would eventually get better like I did in my marriage.  My mind, nerves and heart can no longer put up with the toxicity and I deserve better.  

If you are in a toxic situation, just know that there is something better out there for you whether it's work, relationship, friendship, etc...  

I've been through way too much crap in my life to continue down another dark tunnel.  I'm finally learning much earlier to leave a toxic situation and see the light on the other side!

Keep your chin up and provide only the best for yourself.  You deserve it!

Pia

It's All Good . . .

 

"It's All Good"

Is it?  Is it TRULY 'All Good'?

I know, I know, you're saying 'quit yer babbling and state what ya mean!'.  

I have a tendency to say 'It's All Good' when someone asks me how things are going in life.  It's my short answer for, 'not the best, but I don't want to go into it & bore you to death'.  

Which kind of person are you?  Are you one to say it's all good or are you one that will tell someone EVERYTHING that's going on in your life regardless if they want to hear it or not?

I can be both sometimes.  If I'm too tired to discuss anything I give the short answer.  If I need someone to just listen to whatever fresh hell is going on in my life, buckle up because I'm gonna tell ya! LOL

Just remember that if you're one to 'spill your beans', make sure it's someone who truly has your best interests at heart.  Not everyone does and just because they smile or pretend to listen, you could be giving them ammo to use against you in another situation.

Growing up I always believed people were good hearted like me.  As I've grown older, I've realized that I was living in a Norman Rockwell type of world in my mind.  More people are against you than for you.  That's so sad to me because I want to believe the best in everyone, but unfortunately, so many people are cut throat and just looking out for themselves.  At the end of the day, the only one you can truly trust is yourself, so be sure to protect yourself.

Am I saying all other people are bad?  Of course not.  There should be a tight circle of people you can trust, but keep that circle small.

I used to think that the more friends a person had was a sign that they must be pretty great and important and special.  I thought because I had so few of friends, I must be lacking something in my life.  I wasn't good enough, thin enough, pretty enough, wealthy enough, etc....  But time has taught me differently.  

The number of friends does NOT equate to your worth.  TRUE friends are extremely difficult to come by and if you have one or two you consider your ride or dies, then be thankful.

And just because you hang around certain people a good portion of time does not make them your ride or dies.  They are acquaintances, so be sure to keep them in that category when you want to share personal information.   An acquaintance won't have your best interests at heart.

Keep your feelings close to the vest and should you need to speak to someone, seek out a good therapist, one who is willing to truly listen and give you the tools you need to navigate this life, but DON'T share those feelings with an acquaintance.  

Protect yourself at all costs and I'll catch you on the flip side!

Blessed Be!

Keyboard Warriors...........

 

Let's Talk About Keyboard Warriors

I guess we're all considered keyboard warriors at some points in time, aren't we?  Everyone wants their opinion heard/read, and so we scream out into the void with our own version of what we feel is the 'correct' response/truth.  

I was reading a response to a special that was recently televised.  Some people love it and others aren't impressed.  I was one of the ones unimpressed and replied to someone else who was like-minded.  

I'd gotten a notification that someone else also commented on that same thread stating that if people didn't understand the premise of the special, that "Again, people who watch these series' assuming they are 100% fact, really aren't all that smart. "   

This had nothing to do with anyone's intelligence.  It was merely how someone felt about what was presented.  

I considered responding back, but decided against it.  What good would it accomplish other than irritating my emotions more?  We have to learn to walk away and shut it off for our own preservation.  

When things like this happen, I often wonder if I should have even put my thoughts out there to begin with.  It makes me feel like I'm not worthy and that's simply not true.  Our minds can trick us into thinking negatively about ourselves.  We need to stop those negative thoughts as soon as we realize what we're doing.  If we don't, it can take us down an endless spiral of depression and self doubt.

Most people, if confronted face to face, wouldn't say the things they type online as they're unable to hide behind a monitor.  There are some though that WOULD say terrible things to your face and those are NOT the type of people you want, need or should have in your life.  If someone can't have a rational conversation with you about any topic, you may want to consider just walking away.  They're obviously unhappy in their own skin and that's on them.

So be careful out there friends!  Avoid those keyboard warriors and try not to be one yourself.

Blessed Be!

Battling Jealousy......

 

            I'm probably the only one here that battles with jealousy.  

I'm not sure why, but I've always been a jealous person without much self confidence.  I'm sure it's due to my insecurity in my looks/body.  I wonder at times how anyone could possibly want me.  That's not being very nice to myself, is it?  

I've always been heavy and people have been sure to point it out to me my entire life.  It's either been my father, my mother's mother, classmates, co-workers, ex-husband... you name it, people have pointed it out as though I can't see it in the mirror every single day of my life.  And if people can't pick on me for anything else, they'll definitely define me based on my weight.

I love my boyfriend very much.  He tells me he loves me, but it's difficult for me to believe because I don't know how much I truly love myself.  

Because of my insecurities, I have a heightened awareness of other women he may look at or talk to.  In my mind, even though he has no intentions, my mind throws me into thinking he's scoping out someone else because of how I look.  

He gets quite frustrated with me because of my insecurity and I'm concerned it's pushing him away.  That's not my intent whatsoever!  But that green eyed monster takes over my brain and emotions.  If I can be honest, it's one thing I hate about myself.  If I could remove the jealousy, I would.  

Anyone who says they're not jealous at all is probably lying.  In some respects a bit of jealousy shows how much you care for your partner.  Too much, on the other hand, can cause relationship issues.

Because I'm also an over-thinker, the jealousy incorporated with that can be devastating.  My mind will race to different scenarios of what COULD happen.  That makes my mind race even more. LOL

While I know I should have a deeper talk with him, I'm afraid to.  He gets upset when I bring up him possibly looking at other women.  He tells me I don't have to worry about him cheating on me.  So WHY is it so difficult for me to accept that?  

It's something I continue to work on to be better and do better.  

Do you ever get jealous of your significant other?  How do you handle it?

Have a great rest of your week and I'll catch you on the flip side!