Battling Jealousy......

 

            I'm probably the only one here that battles with jealousy.  

I'm not sure why, but I've always been a jealous person without much self confidence.  I'm sure it's due to my insecurity in my looks/body.  I wonder at times how anyone could possibly want me.  That's not being very nice to myself, is it?  

I've always been heavy and people have been sure to point it out to me my entire life.  It's either been my father, my mother's mother, classmates, co-workers, ex-husband... you name it, people have pointed it out as though I can't see it in the mirror every single day of my life.  And if people can't pick on me for anything else, they'll definitely define me based on my weight.

I love my boyfriend very much.  He tells me he loves me, but it's difficult for me to believe because I don't know how much I truly love myself.  

Because of my insecurities, I have a heightened awareness of other women he may look at or talk to.  In my mind, even though he has no intentions, my mind throws me into thinking he's scoping out someone else because of how I look.  

He gets quite frustrated with me because of my insecurity and I'm concerned it's pushing him away.  That's not my intent whatsoever!  But that green eyed monster takes over my brain and emotions.  If I can be honest, it's one thing I hate about myself.  If I could remove the jealousy, I would.  

Anyone who says they're not jealous at all is probably lying.  In some respects a bit of jealousy shows how much you care for your partner.  Too much, on the other hand, can cause relationship issues.

Because I'm also an over-thinker, the jealousy incorporated with that can be devastating.  My mind will race to different scenarios of what COULD happen.  That makes my mind race even more. LOL

While I know I should have a deeper talk with him, I'm afraid to.  He gets upset when I bring up him possibly looking at other women.  He tells me I don't have to worry about him cheating on me.  So WHY is it so difficult for me to accept that?  

It's something I continue to work on to be better and do better.  

Do you ever get jealous of your significant other?  How do you handle it?

Have a great rest of your week and I'll catch you on the flip side!

Do You Get Quiet? . . . .

 Do You Get Quiet?

In my life I've had a tendency to get quiet.  

What exactly do I mean by that?  Well, if I'm feeling overwhelmed, stressed, mis-understood, anxiety, etc... I tend to get 'quiet'.  It's been my go-to response when I don't know how to react to a certain situation.  

I don't know the right words to say so I become silent.  You know the saying, if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.  

Part of it is not wanting to say something I'll later regret and part of it is a type of 'freeze' or 'fawn' type of trauma response.  

I'm guessing I'm not the only one who experiences this in life.  Some people are ready to fight it out, defend what they feel is right... some, like me, just draw inward into a shell until the 'storm' passes over.  

Unfortunately, my quietness can be misconstrued to make others think I'm angry, or that I think I'm better than the other person, or just plain flaky.  

It's just my emotional response.  I don't always do well with confrontation.  It just depends on the situation and the lack of confidence I have in myself.

Empaths also get 'quiet'.

As the picture above states, Empaths get quiet.  We can get overwhelmed as we pick up on the vibes of all of those around us, constantly reading people, feeling their feelings.... and the only way for Empaths to try to re-ground ourselves is to get quiet, to shut out all the vibrations and noises we're being subjected to.  

If you're not an Empath, it may be difficult to understand how we absorb the emotions/feelings of most everyone we come in close contact with.  It's not a choice as it just happens, but the choice we do have is to create healthy boundaries, meditation and even therapy.

All this to say, please don't be too quick to judge someone who has become 'quiet'.  They just need time to process what's been sensed from others.  We eventually come back to our grounded selves. ;)

You Can Rest . . .

 You Can Rest

It’s a Saturday and as I sit relaxing, I reflect on years when I was forced to be on the run for one reason or another, feeling as though rest was only for the weak, that rest wasn’t even an option unless it was bedtime.

As I’ve gotten older and think of all the things I’ve been through, I realize how fortunate I am to still be alive.  Many have not been gifted that privilege.  I’ve also realized that it’s OK to rest.  

Just because others try to dictate how your time/life should look, NO is a complete sentence and you DON’T have to do anything you’re not willing to do. 

It’s taken me YEARS to accept this.  Sitting and watching tv, relaxing is allowing your body to recharge and recover from all you’ve been through during the week.  No one recognizes how much life drains the body and the mind.  

The mindset of RUN, RUN, RUN in life is not healthy.  The body can only endure so much and HAS TO have time to RECOVER.  

Don’t let anyone else rule your mind/body.  You are the only one who knows how you feel.  If you’re tired/exhausted, it’s ok to rest and it’s ok to tell others you’re busy.  You have the absolute right to take care of yourself.

Blessed Be! 

Toxic Positivity . . .

Toxic Positivity

Definition:

Toxic positivity is a "pressure to stay upbeat no matter how dire one's circumstance is", which may prevent emotional coping by feeling otherwise natural emotions. Toxic positivity happens when people believe that negative thoughts about anything should be avoided.

Hello everyone!  I hope you're doing well.  

I wanted to discuss the topic shown above.  

While I do believe we need to try to be optimistic in this life, sometimes things just suck and 

you know what?  That's totally ok!

There are some people in this life that shoot unicorn farts out their bum.  They see rainbows 

and sunshine constantly and never see life as it truly is, which can be so debilitating 

for those of us who see life as it truly is.  

The toxic positivity can be so depressing and draining.  It creates such a mental/emotional

burden on those who don't wear rose colored glasses.  It's extremely draining.  

When you have to deal with someone on a daily basis like this, it has a tendency to 

cause a level of depression that can be a struggle.  Day after day, week after week, it can

wear a person down.  

I have someone like this that I work with on the daily.  I can sense a happier & much easier

going day when this person is away from work.  No, not just for me personally, but the 

day is so much lighter for all involved.  

When someone displays toxic positivity, they have a tendency to try to force their fluff

down everyone's throat that they come in contact with.  

Do you have someone in your life like this?  If so, how do you deal with it?

Do you suck it up and keep going, or did you change jobs?

I love my job, I just don't love the toxic positivity.

May you all create healthy boundaries and live a content, peaceful life.

Blessed Be!

Quiet Time . .. . .

 

How Do You Shut Out The Noise?

How do you wake up in the morning?  Do you hit the ground running or do you hit the snooze button a multitude of times?  

For me, I usually end up needing to go to the bathroom before my alarm clock even has a chance to go off.  When I get up, I'm one of those people who is attached to their phone and catch up on what's happened overnight while I'm sitting there.  It's a small part of my day where the phone isn't ringing, someone isn't complaining about something, the animals haven't created chaos yet and my world is quiet.  

I don't care who you are, everyone needs some quiet time all to themselves without disruption.  It's a priceless commodity needed by all.  

Between work and home, myself as well as most people rarely get that quiet time,  When I was married I'd have to hit the ground running with no thought for myself.  I'd get the kids up so they could get their chores done before school, have something for breakfast and get ready in time to catch the bus.  I'd be rushing around getting myself ready for work and flying out the door.  I'd work 8-9 hours each day, take a half hour lunch to either pick up my ex's prescriptions or go find him mowing somewhere to take him lunch, go back and work the rest of the day, get off work, head to the babysitter's, pick up the kids, rush home and hurriedly make something for supper because my then-husband wanted to eat by 6:00 so he could nap until 7:00 to get ready for the night shift and leave around 8:30.  While he'd be napping or getting ready I'd be doing dishes, laundry, helping kids with homework and/or trying to spend some quality time with them.  We'd all be relieved when he left for work, but I'd breath a bigger sigh of relief when 9:30 rolled around as I knew he was at work and would never call unless there was an emergency,  

That was my life on the daily for most of 20 years (and then I wonder sometimes why I'm so tired these days! LOL).  

Point being, quiet time was not a luxury I had very often.  

After my divorce between LOTS of therapy and meds for my anxiety and depression (as well as being diagnosed with PTSD), I've learned the TRUE importance of quiet time.

I'm thankful for anyone who has not had to experience the hell I've been through.  No one deserves that type of treatment.  

While I'd love to meditate, I struggle with that as it's difficult for me to be completely still with no social media or tv going.  It's something I want to work towards.

For now, my morning bathroom vigil will do for now.  😜

How do YOU find quiet time in your day?  The bathroom?  A quiet few moments sitting in your vehicle?  A warm bubble bath?

Taking that quiet time is the best gift you can give yourself.  It will help you to re-group, get centered and grounded before you face the day or night.  

May you have daily quiet time in your life!

Blessed Be!

Deep Sighs..............................

 

In the current state of our world, I seem to find that almost daily, a deep sigh seems to come slowly and frustratingly out of my mouth.  My head hangs and slowly shakes back and forth.  Each day is another travesty in the news that I've either heard or read about. 

It all makes me feel so exhausted, sad, angry...... you name it, I feel it.  I try my best to look on the brighter side of things and distract myself with games on my phone or working with my tarot & oracle cards or playing with the cat & dog.  So many times I just want to go home and hide away.  

The older I get the more of a hermit I become.  My boyfriend is on disability and is home a good majority of the time, so when the weekends come around, he wants us to travel somewhere to get out of the house.  While I totally understand his feelings, I'm the opposite a good portion of the time as my job is in the public eye on a daily basis and to recharge my battery, I need quiet, down time.  

As I've gotten older and have been through several cancer situations, my body isn't as quick and nimble as it once was.  I'm not 'old', by any means, but I'm not 20 anymore and like everyone, I'm slowing down a bit.  

What adds to the exhaustion is the daily news with all the idiocy coming from our government.  Sometimes I almost hate to open up my phone, yet I'm addicted to it and want to find out what's happening in the world.  Anyone else feel like that?

I'm hoping these 4 years either show us an impeachment or that it passes quickly to get someone new to lead our country.  It's been so maddening to see what the Cheeto gets away with and it feels like no one is doing anything about it.  While I know there are some who are extremely diligent in trying to put a stop to the madness, it just doesn't always feel like anything is being done.  

We will persevere through the madness, but it just takes time.  

Keep your heads up my friends and know that you're not alone!

Until we meet again....

 

Pia's Eclectic Life ... A Witch Out of the Broom Closet...

 

Happy weekend everyone!  

We're getting close to the end of February already!  Where DOES the time go?

Before I begin, I will forewarn you that if you don't agree with witchy things, this blog is NOT for you.  It's, in some respects, my coming out of the broom closet on a small level.  Should that upset you, please read NO FURTHER.  My feelings will NOT be hurt.  This is MY journey in life.  You do you and I'll do me. 😉

If you're NOT bothered by this, WELCOME!!

I've always been drawn to something more.  I had an experience as a teenager.  I'd purchased my first tarot deck.  At that time, there was no internet or cell phones, so I found an ad in a magazine.  I was super excited to get the deck and learn to work with it.

Well.......... I opened the deck, was looking at it and all of a sudden, the curtains on my bedroom windows began to blow.  Mind you, it was completely still outside, and I had no fans on in my room.  I was so scared in the moment I screamed "GET OUT" and the one window that was open slammed shut and the curtains fell to their regular hanging position.  I couldn't help but think it was the deck, so unfortunately, I took it and burned it in the burning barrel we had in the back yard.  It never occurred to me that the deck could have been tainted with something where I purchased it from (bad Joo Joo).  And I was so young, I never knew about 'cleansing' my deck prior to using it.  

Now I know some of you, who were just having nose fever that are still reading, are probably going "Yep!  It was evil!  It's all evil and if you go down that path you're heading to hell!" I used to think that way too, but not anymore. You may be screaming at the screen, "I KNEW you'd back slidden!  I just KNEW IT!!".  Mind you, you are entitled to your opinion, but so am I.  You are under no obligation to read my blogs, so if you feel that way, please move along.  I've had too much negativity in my life, and I won't tolerate it here.

While the media, over the years, has portrayed witchy practices as all evil, I can assure you it is not, nor are all the people who practice.  While yes, there ARE people who use these tools for evil, not all of us do.  It's like people who own guns.  Yes, some who own guns do horrific things, but many people are collectors, avid hunters, and are not horrible people.  It's the person, NOT the tools being used.

I've been collecting tarot and oracle cards for the past 3-4 years.  It's been a journey and I'm still learning tarot because I don't always have a lot of time to study while working 6 days per week, but it's progress not perfection that I keep in mind.  There is no timetable for anyone for learning tarot.  I'm only doing it for myself anyway, not to read for others.  It's just something that I enjoy.

I've got TONS of crystals and have been having fun learning about their metaphysical properties.  I work with sigils and candles.  Anything I do is for edification of myself and my family, not to harm.  Anyone who knows me knows the only thing I could kill is a bug.  

I've found a great group of people on YouTube, or as many refer to it as TarotTube, that I've been learning so much from.  They are the nicest people with positive attitudes and so helpful!  I love joining in on live videos and commenting in the chats and sometimes requesting a reading if it's a video they're offering free readings on.  

Over the past 10 years, I've learned to open my eyes to so much more in the world.  I only used to listen to a certain few who 'claimed' to have the 'best' spiritual knowledge.  Unbeknownst to me, because I've been a trusting person and had blinders on, I fell into line with them because I was looking for somewhere to belong.  But now I'm on my own trajectory with the blinders off and I'm so thankful for that. 😍

I still love the Lord!!  He's been my rock and always will be.  Some will say, "You can't love Jesus and do tarot and oracle!!".  Well, I'm here to tell you I do and if that doesn't set well with you, that's a YOU problem because I'm very happy over here in my own lane.  

I will continue to share different things on my blog pertaining to my witchy practices in the future.  

May you have a wonderful weekend!!

I pray that you are happy, healthy, safe, 

and I pray you have P.E.A.C.E. in your life!

Until we meet again my friends!

Blessed be!