It's Been More Than A Hot Minute

 Hello Gang!

 Yes, it's definitely been MORE than a hot minute since I've been here.  So many things have changed as they do for all of us.

Since my last posting, I've since quit going to church.  I had been debating at the time as to what to do and as of December 8, 2019 I walked out the door and haven't been back since. 

For MONTHS I had beaten myself up for not going.  I felt like people leaving the church was somehow MY fault.  It took time and quite a bit of therapy to finally realize I DON'T have THAT kind of power! LOL  

You'll no doubt think me crazy (which I know I am a bit LOL), but when the church was being built, I heard the Lord say to me "Be Careful" before the walls of the sanctuary were even erected.  It was a warning of sorts that things could change and not in a good way should the members or clergy not do what's right.  

I shared these words with some fellow congregants.  While a couple of them listened, for the rest it seemed to fall on deaf ears.  I mean, who am I?  I never felt treated as though I was a TRUE follower of Jesus or that my words meant anything.  I felt looked upon as someone who wasn't truly knowledgeable about the Bible or spiritual enough.  Despite being treated as such, I was always seemingly good enough to come to church twice a week to practice worship (singing) and preform twice each week.  I was good enough for that.  (Feeling a bit used after a while - slow learner or just too forgiving..........  😩)  

This wasn't the main reason I left.  The main reason is comprised of a multitude of other reasons and on that cold December 8th, 2019 morning, the last item was the straw that broke the camel's back.  I'd truly had enough and was DONE.

Another reason is that I don't go to church to hear about politics.  While the Pastor did not preach one way or the other from the pulpit, my fellow congregants made it well known that they're strongly Republican.  This is their God given right and I don't look down on them for that.  My issue is when they constantly trash the opposition.  What happened to the scripture Luke 6:31 "Do unto others as you'd have done unto you" or John 15:12 " My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you."?  Are they TRULY loving others?  It appears NOT.  I don't consider myself one certain political party as I vote for whomever I feel will do the best job regardless of their political affiliation, but in my former church circle and in many across the country, being Republican is the ONLY party.  

Also, OUR church was TRULY the ONLY RIGHT church to be in.  If someone went to another church, others looked down their noses at them or if they chose to not go to church at all.  Regardless, all were basically deemed 'backslidden'.  

Let's be real.  No one knows anyone else's heart and or what their relationship is with the Lord, but the person themselves and who are we to pass judgement on them if they decide to leave?  

All I know is that the number of members continued to dwindle over the years.  It became quite depressing.  I've been blamed for years for things I had nothing to do with (my ex husband blamed me for everything), so in my mind, those emptying pews must have been due to something I had done, right?  WRONG!

I still love the Lord immensely even though I don't go to church.  I tried a Baptist church, it was nice, but I was just not in a right head space having just left my original church.  I tried church online.... it was ok for a bit, but still not what I truly wanted or needed.  So instead, I've taken a very long sabbatical from church.  The guilt and condemnation from not going has finally left me (it took a couple of years though).  And I enjoy my Sundays with family and friends.

I think back to all the Sundays I pushed family and friends aside because I felt I HAD to go to church, makes me a bit sad.  Without family and friends, what do we really have?  I'd push them to the back burner while doing what I THOUGHT at the time was the RIGHT decision.  CHURCH HAD to come first, right?  NO!

It partially pains me to say that as I'd cultivated what I thought to be special friendships and 'family' at the church.  That was all fine, well and good as long as I only seemed to have 'church friends' or only do 'church things' or go to 'church events/seminars'.  EVERYTHING had to revolve around church.  It was suffocating after a time.  

There are so many reasons why I left, but I don't feel the need to publish them here.  Will I EVER go back to a church?  If I had to give you an answer today, it would be 'no'.  Possibly someday?  Maybe.............  

I just don't have time for the hypocrisy within the walls.  I am a good person with a lot to offer and I'm tired of being used and looked down upon.  

There are other areas of my life that I've set up some healthy boundaries with as well.  It's important that we each do what we feel is best for ourselves and NOT get painted into a corner by others that are misinformed.  

Keep an open mind and an open heart.  Don't always take things for face value.  Do your research.  If someone tells you THEIR WAY is the ONLY WAY......... you may want to re-evaluate the situation.  

Look out for yourselves, love yourselves and take care of each other.  Life is definitely too short.

I pray that you're healthy, that you're happy, that you're safe.....

And I pray you have PEACE in your life!  

Catch you on the flip side!

Pia