While the sun isn't currently shining in my neighborhood, I thought I'd at at least share a picture of the sun to help lighten any heavy moods that may be out there.
Do situations in life leave you feeling one sided at times? Do you feel like you're the one that does the majority? I try not to feel that way, but the proof is in the punch.
At times, when I'm feeling low, I'll get thoughts/feelings of inadequacy. I try to encourage myself that things are totally fine, yet there are days when I feel less than, ugly, unattractive, & unlovable.
I call it mental scribble. It's trying to make sense of something that you can't possibly make sense of.
Overthinking is a terrible waste of time and energy, yet I seem to do it more than I care to admit. So much of it comes from such a low self-esteem. Because if my low self-esteem, I don't know that I've ever felt truly loved by any partner (my children, of course, but I'm only speaking of intimate relationships with a partner).
I have an ex-husband who has a host of mental issues that he's been diagnosed with that doesn't want to move on with his life and leave me alone, even after 12 years of being apart.
It also makes me feel like a bitch or a piece of shit if I bring up to a partner how I'm feeling because I'm so used to being gas lit into believing it's my own fault for how things are happening due to past trauma.
It feels that no matter how hard I try, I'm never good enough, pretty enough, the perfect shape, anything..................... and so much of that is my own mental scribble.
I'm working on trying to stop some of these irrational thoughts before they spiral into the mental scribble pictured above. Most times, I haven't been able to, but just recently I've been starting to catch myself.
I tend to be a passive/aggressive person. If you're unfamiliar with that, its the act of avoiding direct confrontation with someone. This can be done with a post on social media, not calling someone out, but hoping they'll see the post and get the hint. It can also be done with saying nothing is wrong, yet being angry/aggressive as a reaction to everything else until the issue is resolved.
I struggle with directly asking questions of a partner as I've been so used to getting an angry response to even the simplest question, so to avoid any possibility of an angry response, I have a tendency to be passive/aggressive. This is also something I'm working on.
Have I conquered it? NOT by a long shot, but I'm trying. What am I doing to try to conquer it? Rather than make a 'generic' post, I'll go journal to get my feelings out on paper just to release things off my mind. It has a tendency to help me relax. I also do 'tapping'. If you're not familiar with 'tapping', may I suggest you check out 'Tapping Solutions' (Not sponsored in any way. They have no idea who I am, but tapping has saved me many times.)
Working on our mental health is a daily thing. We encounter so many different scenarios...
- Who we encounter
- How much sleep have we had
- Have we eaten
- Have we had quiet time to ourselves
- Have we had too much caffeine
The list goes on and on and can definitely affect our day and how we handle it.
It is said that life is 10% of what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. I would say that wraps it up in a nutshell. It's just LEARNING how to handle things in a positive, meaningful, healthy way that can be the struggle at times.
Please take care of your mental health. We only have one mind and we need to treat it with respect and care. If you've never sought counseling, I encourage you to give it a try. You'd be surprise how much the right counselor can help you see things from a new and positive perspective!
Until we meet again my friends, I pray that you're healthy, happy, safe and I pray that you have peace in your life!
Much love, happiness and positive mental health to you!
Pia
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