A perplexing thought as come across my noggin this morning. That thought is about loyalty or the lack thereof.
Is it something you've ever contemplated in your life? Whether it's loyalty to a mate, or to a business, or to a job? What are your feelings?
I've always been told that money talks and bullshit walks. While I understand the concept to a point, what ever happened to loyalty to a point that money doesn't matter or at least not so much?
I've had loyalty to my job for the past 25 years, but in recent months, things have been a bit rocky and unsettled. As a result, my own loyalty comes into question. I make a decent living and have great benefits, yet I feel at times like I'm a rat on a sinking ship. Part of me wants to bail before it completely sinks and part of me wants to see things through.
My whole body, on the inside, is a quivering mess. It's the fear of the unknown. If only we knew one way or the other how the end of the story will turn out, it would definitely help make decisions so much easier. Unfortunately, we don't have that knowledge ahead of time. It's like blindly walking into a volcano. Will it erupt and cause utter chaos or will it be still and peaceful?
Part of me would like to look for another job, put my home up for sale and move away. Is that the smart thing to do? I haven't a clue. It's scary as hell though. It's also scary staying where I am waiting to find out if the volcano I'm in will erupt or not.
Sometimes I've felt that I should do something, but don't have the courage to do so until God intervenes and makes the decision for me.
Maybe that's the answer. Just wait on Him to push me one way or the other.
I've looked at other jobs and nothing seems quite right. It's either too low of wages, not the best benefits or something I'm unable to physically do (heavy lifting or constant standing).
I know that when He's involved, the right things happen and fall into place with ease.
I just get tired of head butting different situations; ones that make me feel less than or not good enough, that I can't handle whatever is happening or that will happen (being put in charge).
I'm a Libra, which means I'm a peace keeper and a lover of all things in balance. When my scales begin to tip heavily one way or another, my insides begin to panic a bit. It's a feeling I'd rather not deal with. It happens every so often, when life seems to need to get shaken up a bit.
I just had a memory pop up on FaceBook. The post says "I am not in control, but I am deeply loved by the One who is.". For this I'm truly grateful. But I also wish this life came with a detailed instruction manual.
I know, some of you will say THE BIBLE! While this is helpful to a point, it doesn't give us the exact answers of what we need to do and what will happen in any specific instance. For example, 'I know you're going to be going through such and such during this particular time in your life, but here's what's going to happen............' (showing the specific names of people, places and things). I wish there was such a book. Everyone would want a copy. It would be so expensive though, that no one could afford it. I guess that's why we need to learn to trust in and rely on Him.
I try, but I haven't got a lot of patience. I have FOTU.....FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN.
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