Am I Good Enough............

Happy Monday Gang!

Hope you're all having a wonderful start to your week.  It was a stormy night here in southwestern Wisconsin.  I normally sleep through storms, but not last night.

The sun is peeking it's head out today, so that definitely lifts the spirits! :)

Today's 'Thought Path' takes us on a journey of:

Am I Good Enough?

I'm sure there have been days in everyone's life where we wonder if we're good enough.  If you've ever asked yourself that, have you ever wondered WHO it is you wonder if you're good enough for?  I guess we could lump it up as society as a whole.

I'll just share some of my own personal feelings on the subject.

As we all know, social media is EVERYWHERE & it can definitely make a person question their own existence and why are we even here if we're not perfect the way some people are portrayed in the media. (Note: There is a lot of photo shop and face tuning out there!  Don't be fooled!)

While social media is a challenge, comparing ourselves to others ideals is a challenge. I'm more challenged by the people in my own life, those that I come in contact with on a daily basis.  When I'm face to face with people, I have a tendency to watch their facial expressions and read them.  I can usually tell when I'm being judged for being overweight even though a word is never spoken.  Do you know the look?  The up and down look of your body and the look of disgust even though they may be trying to hide it.  I notice...... we exchange pleasantries and go about the rest of our day.  

The thing the other person doesn't know about me is the fact that I'll carry that look with me throughout the rest of the day and the days to come.  I'll continue to analyze myself and fat shame myself because I'm not a petite person, because I don't fit into that person's ideal of what they THINK I should look like.

While I'd love to look like a super model, I just don't.  Could I be thinner?  Absolutely.  Have I tried?  Absolutely.  Apparently I've just not tried hard enough.  But because I carry extra weight, does that automatically make me 'not good enough'?  In the eyes of some, the answer would be a resounding YES.  

The thing is, I don't just struggle with my weight as my 'Am I Good Enough' thought path......I struggle with other people's judgement of me, PERIOD.  If I don't say just the right words or if I don't have the answer to a specific question or if I can't remember something, I'm looked down upon.  That makes me want to stay home and hide where no one can see me, hear me or judge me.

Now don't get me wrong.  I'm not having a pity party.  I'm just trying to share with you what I go through on a daily basis.  I know that I'm not the only one, but some days it sure feels like it as I'm sure it does to many others as well.

Why are we such a damn judgmental bunch of people?  

We can certainly be our own worst enemy, partially because we overthink things and partially because we care so much about what other people think of us, how they view us.  

Ever since I was a young girl I've always been belittled and looked down upon.  I was made to feel that anything that came out of my mouth was utter stupidity (my brother's opinion), that I was too fat (my father once referred to me as an elephant when I was in high school), I'd try to reach out to boys I liked in high school only to get publicly humiliated in the halls...some classmates would be very condescending to me because I wasn't a cheerleader, blonde or have a perfect figure so in their eyes it made me automatically stupid, even as an adult I feel looked down upon during meetings and gatherings, etc...  I've struggled with these demons in my head all my life and it's why so much of the time anymore I just like to stay home with my 2 dogs and lock the doors.

If we could only get out of our own heads and not worry about everyone else's view, we'd be so much better off.  The only one we need to be concerned with is God.  He loves us and He'll never leave us nor forsake us.  He tells us that in His word and He's not a man that He should lie.  

Deuteronomy 31:8  (NIV)

8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Numbers 23:19 (MSG)

God is not man, one given to lies,
    and not a son of man changing his mind.

Please know that you ARE good enough.  Don't let anyone pull you down into a pit of pain.  Your life is worth SO much more!!  Just know that I'm telling this to myself as well as telling you.  I need to hear this in a huge way myself.  

I pray that you're healthy, happy, safe and I pray that you have P.E.A.C.E. in your life!

Until we meet again my friends, have a wonderful rest of your week and know that I'm here should you need a listening ear.

Love,