Take Care of You.............

Happy Friday Gang!

I've been out and about traveling and surprisingly got some much overdue rest and relaxation.  I came back with a new perspective and today's 'Thought Path'.....

~ Take Care of You ~

I'm the kind of person who has looked after so many people in my life and have neglected myself.  I've always put my needs on the back burner because, after all, it's just me and I can take care of myself 'later'.  

This past week I got an amazing amount of rest and also got out of my shell a bit.  Sunday I went to the Columbus Zoo all by myself.  Yep!  No one to go with me to keep me company, no one to talk to, but also no one to rush me or want to go see things I may not have been interested in.  It was just time for ME.  

For some, you may think I was being selfish, and you'd be absolutely correct.  It's long overdue for me to actually think more of myself than a fat, unattractive, stupid blob who has absolutely nothing to offer.  Yep, you read that correctly.  That's been my view of myself over the years.  Way too fat, so that means I'm stupid, lazy and have nothing to offer anyone.  These are old tapes that have played over and over and over in my mind for far too long.  

Do you know that when you keep telling yourself something over and over, whether it's good or bad, you actually begin to believe it?  That's been my life.  

If you read my last blog post, you know that I've carried some hurtful comments in my mind and heart for a long time and ended up letting them define who I am as a human being.  I'm beginning to change those bad tapes in my mind.

Tuesday night I went out to dinner with a bunch of work colleagues at an Italian restaurant and after a couple of glasses of wine, I opened up that the old me would have hibernated in my room instead of coming out to dinner.  I also opened up about my anxiety in larger groups and the feeling of never being good enough to associate with people in my working life and sometimes in my personal life.  

They were flabbergasted that I felt that way.  They had absolutely no idea.  

That's the thing with emotions/feelings/thoughts, they don't always translate on the outside, but can weigh heavy on the inside.  

The past 5 days in Columbus has been such a wonderful experience for me in so many ways.  I was able to rest, recharge, start eating better, getting some exercise, listen to some great speakers and hanging out with some really amazing people.  It was a great combination to rejuvenate my mind and heart to do something better for myself instead of always putting myself last.  I've always put myself last and it's WAY overdue to change that.

I felt so amazing last night that I actually did my dishes, did a huge amount of laundry and some tidying around the house.  Normally I'm in such a cloud of depression I just come home and sit on the couch and close out the world and do nothing.  

The path of a 1,000 miles begins with a single step.  The past 5 days began my journey to 'taking care of me'.   I've never felt this amazing in a very long time.  I actually feel alive again and it's not because of anyone else in my life to make me happy.  I used to think the only way I could be happy was with a significant other.  I'd still enjoy to share my life with someone, but my happiness is not dependent upon someone else and I finally realize that.  

Living life is like the survival response on a crashing plane........put the oxygen mask on YOURSELF FIRST, THEN help others.  I just put my mask on and am taking some good, cleansing breaths.

I pray that you're healthy, happy, safe and I pray that you have P.E.A.C.E. in your life.

Until we meet again my friends, enjoy the extended weekend and be sure to thank those past and present military people for their service for our country keeping us the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Love,