Safety First!

 Happy Wednesday!

I hope you're all doing well even with the impending snow storm on the way!

As someone who's been in a verbally/emotionally abusive marriage, I'm here to tell you to PLEASE be sure to take care of yourself if you're in or have been in an abusive relationship regardless if it is/was verbal or physical.

If you have a no-contact order on the other person and, depending on your state, if it's only for a limited amount of time (Wisconsin is 4 years at a time), PLEASE do what you need to do to attempt to renew it.  If you don't at least TRY, you know it will be a no go for sure.

I bring this up because this year another 4 years have passed and I was contemplating whether or not to attempt to renew it myself, but after watching a Netflix series "My Lover, My Killer", I decided it was important to attempt to get it extended yet again.  

Mental health is so important to protect and when you're dealing with someone who has unstable mental health, it's vital to go to whatever lengths within the law to protect yourself.  

So many of us give too many chances to people in hopes that they've 'changed' or 'gotten better' or 'have moved on'.  Unfortunately, their mental instability doesn't work away, in particular, if they're not taking the meds prescribed by their mental health physician.  

I, myself, take anti-anxiety/depression medication.  I've been on it since going through my divorce back in 2012.  I was diagnosed with a form of PTSD due to the consistent verbal trauma I endured.  Believe me, I didn't want to go on meds and was afraid they'd make me a zombie.  My therapist tried for over 6 months to get me to consider taking something and told me it would 'bring me back to myself'.  I finally gave in and it was the best decision that I'd ever made.

Fast forward a 2-3 years later, I thought I was doing better (which I WAS due to taking the MEDS! LOL) and thought I didn't need them any longer and took myself off them.  In the process I went through HORRIBLE withdrawals wanting to literally claw the skin off my own face.  Needless to say, PLEASE don't be like me!  

Fast forward again to 2019 to some other family issues that cropped up and I wasn't handling life very well and went back to therapy and asked my therapist if I could go back on the meds that I stupidly went off of and of course she was super supportive of me doing that.

I'm here to tell you that they will be a daily staple for the rest of my life.  I'm thankful and feel so much better on the meds.  

Unfortunately, not everyone takes their meds as prescribed.  They think they're fine and don't need meds as they don't see themselves as having an issue.  It's a part of the irrational thinking due to hardwiring issues in the brain.  Some people don't have the capacity to have rational thoughts and that is SO unbelievably difficult for the person with rational thoughts to wrap the mind around and fully comprehend themselves.  We expect that everyone thinks rationally and would/should have a sane/rational response in any situation, but they don't always.

Back when I first started therapy, I'd sit crying in her office saying "Why can't he just be NICE to me?".  I'm no perfect duck, by any means, but I try to be kind and considerate of others just as I was of my now ex-husband.  Unfortunately, he would not be so kind and it wouldn't take much of anything to set him off.  

One night, after screaming incessantly at me, he left the house and I went upstairs to the nursery, melted down the wall into a ball by my baby's crib and cried.  It was one of the times I came extremely close to a mental breakdown.  Once again I was getting blamed for something I didn't do, but was getting punished.  20 years of living like that does a mental trip on a person.  (And that was only ONE of the MANY episodes the kids and I lived with.)

We've been divorced for just over 11 years, but sometimes things pop up and it feels like yesterday.  I've worked extremely hard to work on myself to heal from the trauma and still continue to work on myself. 

Don't ever let anyone tell you that you should be healed in a certain amount of time, regardless of what type of trauma you've been through.  Only YOU know what's best for you and you take as much time as you need to heal.  As they say, Rome wasn't built in a day and your healing isn't either.

All that to reiterate, PLEASE BE SAFE!! I don't want anyone to live a paranoid life, but I DO want you to always be aware of your surroundings and do what you need to in order to keep yourself safe.

My next plan of action... a video camera at my door.  ;)

I pray that you're healthy, happy, SAFE, and I pray that you have PEACE in your life!

Love and Light,

Pia