Toxic Relationships..............

                                                 

If you've ever been in a toxic relationship, I don't want this to trigger you, so if you're easily triggered, please stop reading now.

I was in a toxic marriage for 20 years.  It was verbally/emotionally abusive.  Nothing I did was ever good enough.  I never worked hard enough, I was never quick enough, I didn't wash his white shirts white enough and didn't iron them correctly.........HELL, I didn't even hand them up on the hanger correctly....... ALL ACORDING TO HIM!  

Things that should have been laughed off, set him into a rage. Things that he should have taken seriously were just laughed off.  It was a very sadistic situation.  I never knew WHO I was coming home to.  

I'd left him a couple times, but only for short periods for many reasons.  I was afraid he might hurt the kids or myself if we didn't return.  I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to care for the kids monetarily on my own.  I was afraid he'd come to the school, grab the kids and take off with them and I'd never see them again (because one time he DID pull the kids out of school)!

I'd been screamed at both in my face as well as over the phone.  I'd had bags of groceries thrown across the room at me.  I'd come home to the inside of the home torn apart with everything piled in the middle of the room(s).  I'd come home to the entire driveway covered with everything that WAS in the garage.  I'd come home to everything strewn across the back yard out of the little rabbit barn.  

I was always on HIS timetable for getting things done.  I ran from sunup to sundown.  My mornings were busy getting the kids ready for the bus and breakfast, then getting myself ready for work.  I'd work until lunch and then use my lunch break to run around to find him and take him lunch, pick up his prescriptions, pick up feed for the animals, then I'd go back to work until 5:00.  Upon getting home I'd have to hurry to fix something for dinner because he wanted to have eaten and be back in his recliner to sleep before he went into his 3rd shift job.  

Don't get me wrong, if anything, he was a hard worker and provided monetarily for us, but was angry and volatile a good majority of the time and when he'd cool off, he'd want to 'make things right' by trying to buy our love by purchasing something in hopes that we'd forget about what happened and an 'I'm Sorry', was NEVER a part of his vocabulary.

Most of the time I didn't react.  My usual response, when screamingly asked, 'WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!?!', was, "I'm just tired".  

I was emotionally/mentally tired, no, downright exhausted!  He'd be good for a couple of days and then it would be right back to the rage.  We would always walk around the house waiting for the 'other shoe to drop'.  It wasn't matter of IF it would happen, it was a matter of WHEN it would happen.

I never knew exactly WHAT I was dealing with, but I knew it wasn't right as we didn't have Google to look things up at that time.  

He'd had to attend anger management a couple of times only to buffalo the instructor/therapist into believing he was perfectly fine and wouldn't end up completing the full scheduled sessions.  

He's a master manipulator and fanes 'not remembering' the argument that happened.  There was a lot of gaslighting for sure!

I'd tried to encourage him to get on some meds to help his demeanor and that it would in turn help us as a family.  He went on meds for a very short period of time but refused to stay on them.  So, for those of you wondering WHY wouldn't I encourage him to get help, I actually tried!  Our pastor offered marriage counseling, and he blew up about that as well and even verbally abused the pastor in a phone call.  

It wasn't until AFTER I'd filed for divorce, (he tried to run over the Chief of Police & he served 9 1/2 months in the local jail; that's another long story), and he was FINALLY diagnosed with Personality Disorder and Borderline Bi-Polar Disorder.  

I'm happy to say I've been out of that relationship for 13 years and divorced for 12 years.

All this to say, if YOU are in a toxic relationship, you've GOT to make up your mind.  Who is the toxic one?  If it's you, own it and get some help.  If it's your partner, ask them to do the same.  Meds can help, depending on what is going on, but bear in mind it's not always a cure all.  

If it's your partner and they refuse to get help, you NEED to GET OUT!  You need to love and respect yourself and any children you may have to get out safely!  So many times, the toxic one flips and can do something dangerous.  

PLEASE DON'T WAIT FOR THAT TO HAPPEN!

I want all who read this to be SAFE!!  

I pray that you're HAPPY.... HEALTHY....SAFE.....

And I pray you have PEACE in your life!

Living & Learning.............

 

I hope you're all having a wonderful weekend!  I know I'm working on that myself. 

Each day that we live, we learn new things.  Depending on the situation, it could be learning how something works, learn that the lyrics you THOUGHT were the right ones to your favorite song are NOT correct 🤣, we sometimes learn of someone's passing or someone's birth, or you could learn life lessons.

Many times in life we come to a crossroad where we have to make a choice.  

Will I sleep in today or watch tv?

Will I go out for breakfast or cook something myself?

Will I get dressed or will I remain in my pj's?

Will I take the new job or remain at my current one?

Should I go to the party, or should I stay home?

Should I buy the new vehicle or continue to love the one that's paid for?

These are only a small portion of crossroads we interact with in life.

Sometimes the crossroads of others can have an effect on our own lives too.  The biggest thing to remember is that regardless of what WE feel the other person should or shouldn't do, the point is, it's THEIR choice, NOT yours.  

THEY have to be comfortable and confident in their decisions just as you do with your own decisions.  You don't want someone else dictating which path you should take, so remember not to do that to others.  Just love them and support them with whatever path they may take.  

Is this HARD?  YES!  Sometimes it's downright painful because we may feel we can see a better way or the right path for that person.  Unless they're in danger, you need to learn to be still.  

I've been going through something similar as I'm an empath and many times feel like I have the right answer for someone's crossroad, but I'm learning to take a deep breath, remember it's not MY decision to make & just be a source of support, hoping the path they choose is for their best good.  

People come and go in our lives.  Some for a reason, some for a season and some for a lifetime.  Learning to let go of those who've entered your life for a season can be challenging as you may have thought they were there for a lifetime.  Wish them well, be thankful for the lessons you've learned from them, and continue to make the best decisions possible for you alone.

I pray that you're healthy, happy, safe......

& I pray you have PEACE in your life.

Until we meet again my friends, I'll catch you on the flip side!

There Are Days..........

 

We all have those occasional days where nothing seems to go right.  Everything you touch seems to fall apart.  You'd like to just go back home and crawl right back into bed for the day.  

While we'd LIKE to do that, it's usually not an option when we have to work, so we need to put our best foot forward with a smile on our face and try to make the best of things.

What we need to remember that even though we need to maintain a sense of happiness for the masses, that everything is just fine, the reality is that we naturally feel what we feel.  Whether it's anger, sadness, depression, jealousy........ it's perfectly normal and natural.  

You need to remember to feel them, to allow them to happen in a safe space.  If you need to cry, cry.  If you feel the need to scream, scream into a pillow, you could take a hot shower or bath and sometimes we just need a nap or a good night's sleep to help refresh ourselves.  When we're well rested, we can handle things much more effectively.  

Just don't toss your feelings to the 'back burner' to deal with days, weeks, months or years from now.  When we do that, things have a tendency to pile up and we end up overreacting to something small.

Feeling your feelings is an integral part of self-care. Love yourself enough to allow yourself the time and space to feel what's happening and to work through it.  You'll be surprised at the amount of weight that lifts from your shoulders.  

We all need to learn to be better to ourselves.  We deserve it! 😉

I pray that you're happy, healthy, safe, and I pray you have peace in your life!!

Until we meet again on the flip side, TTFN!