Can you believe we're soon to be done with February 2017???
That's NOT what I'm confused about. LOL 😂😂😂
The type of confusion I'm referring to is being confused about how to feel about certain things in life that other people do.
I used to think things were cut and dried. You either agreed or disagreed with a situation. I find that's not always the case. I know it probably sounds strange or you may think it's a weird revelation for me to have out of the blue. You may be saying........"I already KNEW THAT!". I guess it's not that I maybe didn't already know, but it was never anything that I really thought about much in depth.
I learned some news over the weekend that I'm still not 100% sure how I feel. I was asked if I were mad about what happened by the person who delivered the news to me. I wasn't mad, but I wasn't happy either. I was confused and a bit anxious. It brought back memories of an unhappy time in my life. I had to stop myself and rationalize what was ACTUALLY happening.
A few years ago my therapist gave me a great tool to deal with those anxious feelings:
A - B - C - D's
A: define the "activating" anxiety-producing event.
B: describe your "belief" about it.
C: describe what you believe to be the "consequence" of it.
D: "dispute" it.
Example:
A: Activating Event: You receive news that reminds you of a bad time in your life
B: Belief : 'Oh no! It's happening ALL OVER AGAIN!'
C: Consequence: (What you believe will be the consequences) 'Everything is going to fall apart and I'll be embarrassed and ashamed.'
D: Dispute it: 'This is NOT the same situation. It's not even with the same person. As a result, it's not the same traumatic situation as was before.
I had a time when I was shopping, went to pay for my groceries and my debit card was declined. I was IMMEDIATELY transported (in my mind) back to a time when I would have been verbally abused severely about such an incident. I had to work the steps to get through the anxiety and help myself understand that this time was different. I would no longer get the tongue lashing I would have previously gotten. It was a situation where the bank had a limit of how much could be spent in one day on the debit card for my protection in the event I would lose it or it would be stolen. It wasn't anything I had done, but nonetheless set off my anxiety to an awful level as though I HAD done something wrong. After years of being told so many things were my fault when they weren't, became ingrained in my brain. Using those steps makes a world of difference for me and I thought I would share them with you because anxiety feels terrible!
It's so important to take a step back and assess what is TRULY happening when you get the anxious feelings inside. When you can do that, and go through the steps above, you'll be able to rationalize the situation.
I sure hope this helps someone today. If it does, please pass on the ABCD's I've shared above to help someone else.
I pray that you're healthy, that you're happy, that you're safe, and most importantly, I pray that you have P-E-A-C-E in your life!
Until we meet again my friends, have a super week!
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