Heathly Boundaries.............

Hi Gang!  Happy Friday!

We're heading into a new weekend and I hope you enjoy every single moment!

Today's thought path is about Healthy Boundaries!

No matter what type of relationship you're in, there needs to be healthy boundaries in them all.  
  
Whether you're single, married, with or without children, in a friendship, your doctor/patient relationship, ALL relationships need to have healthy boundaries.

I think we sometimes forget this concept because we throw ourselves into life and think we have to be all and do all for everyone around us.  

For me, there is one two letter word that was very difficult for me to say for fear of hurting the other person.  That word is 'No'.  While they may be temporarily disappointed in the moment, it's less painful than saying 'Yes' and putting yourself in an uncomfortable and potentially miserable position.  

A dear friend of mine taught me several years ago that it's perfectly OK to say 'No'.  Before then, it was rarely a part of my vocabulary because I've always been such a people pleaser.

For me, personally, I would rather allow myself to be hurt than to hurt or disappoint someone else.  Now I know better.  Saying 'No' to someone isn't going to completely devastate them or ruin them; temporary disappointment maybe, but it will definitely be short lived.  

You need to know that you can't be all and do all for everyone and that it's ok to say 'No' if you're not wanting to do something.  It's ok to take time out for yourself to have some quiet time.  If you want to join in on whatever the invitation is, that's your choice, but it's also your choice to decline and say 'No'.   

Healthy boundaries are a beautiful thing that can bring great peace and joy into your life!

Love,

 


















 

Eating In Secret............

Hi Everyone!  Happy Hump Day! 😎

We're already half-way through this beautiful week!  The weather has been great, but sounds as though this weekend is going to get humid, so please be careful out there!

Today's thought path is 'Eating in Secret'.  Is this something you've ever done?

I'm guessing some are wondering where my mind is at today?!?!  LOL

All my life I've been a food lover.  There aren't too many things I don't like, but there are a some, like celery, liver, parsnips, turnips, just to name a few.  

In my journey of life, I've always been judged by what I eat.  "You SHOULDN'T eat THAT", or "Don't you think you've ALREADY had enough" or "You can't leave the table until your plate is clean!",  etc...  MIXED SIGNALS!!

In my younger years at home living with my parents, I would buy Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls or the Pudding Pies with my allowance, hide them under my bed and eat them in secret at night before bed.  I could easily polish off a whole box of the rolls in one night, but I'd try to stretch them out to 2 or 3 nights.  

When mom would be down cleaning the barn during the day, I'd make a pan of brownies, eat half the pan, not want anyone to know what I'd done, throw out the other half and make a whole new pan!  OR I'd make a smaller batch of chocolate chip cookie dough and eat it raw (YES, with the raw eggs in it and I'm STILL alive to talk about it today! LOL)  I'd have everything cleaned up before she got back up to the house so she wouldn't know what I'd done.

When my brother (got rest his soul, he's been gone for 21 years) would pick on me and say hateful, hurtful things, in my mind I'd say "I'LL SHOW YOU!" and fill up a bowl heaping with ice cream topping it with chocolate syrup or whatever I could find in the frig plus whatever dessert was around like cake, bars, cookies, pie, etc..., take it to my bedroom and eat it all until I was miserable.  At that point I was more focused on the pain I'd inflicted on myself rather than the pain HE had inflicted on me.  It was as if I somehow felt that he was right and I had to punish myself as a result.  Why do we always want to punish ourselves?

In my adult years I just sometimes get strange, judgemental looks.  I'm sure part of it is my over heightened sense of awareness of people's reactions around me.  I'm always reading facial expressions and body language regardless of the situation I'm in.  Big eyes or eye rolls or secret chuckles are very popular.  😜

Part of me has gotten used to it and try to ignore it.  The other part of me cringes inside and wants to just escape to a quiet place alone where I can eat in peace without judgement.  This all leads to today's title ..........Eating in Secret.  

When I eat alone or in secret, there's no one there to judge me or to see exactly what I'm eating.  After years of being called names or being put down, you begin to want to distance yourself from eating around others. 

I love and miss my father dearly (he passed away 24 years ago), but I can still remember something he said to me one cold morning down in the barn while we were milking cows and I had mentioned being cold.  ( It was one of those below zero mornings in an old barn where we stuffed any open hole with straw to block the cold winds )  "I didn't think elephants GOT cold?" he said.  Mind you, I was in junior high at the time and weighed about 170 lbs.  No, I was no twiggy, but one heck of a lot smaller than I am today.  It rattled me to my core and I've had that conversation sitting in the back of my mind ever since that day.  

I'm going to be as 'G' rated here as possible with the next bit of info, but please forgive me as I'm not writing this to offend anyone.  

My ex used to refer to me as a fat a**, a fat f****** sow or pig, told me I was nothing, that I was worthless without him, etc.....  Of course that was all extremely painful as well, yet I would often get blamed if the leftovers in the frig weren't eaten.  Yes, you read that correctly, if they WEREN'T eaten.  Even though there were 4 of us in the home, apparently it was MY SOLE JOB to eat ALL of the leftovers so they didn't go to waste.  (We had chickens at the time, so leftovers that were too old for us never went to waste.)  AGAIN, MIXED SIGNALS!

Part of my blog point today is to be careful what you say to others.  Be kind.  You have no idea the negative effects that harmful words have on people that can last a lifetime.  

Proverbs 18:21

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.

James 3:5  MSG

A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it!

Also, remember that even if you choose to eat in secret, it doesn't discount the fact of the fat & calories in what you've just eaten.  😱  For me, it's more of not being judged.  I've been trying to eat more clean.  Am I perfect?  Not a chance, but I also don't want to be persecuted when I'm having something sweet.  I can beat myself up quite fine by myself without someone doing it for me.  

EVERYONE, no matter WHO it is, is facing SOME kind of battle.  It may appear, on the outside, that they've got everything 'TOGETHER', all is perfect and there are no issues to be found.  Either they're doing a fantastic acting job or we're not paying close enough attention, because we ALL have issues.   

Just a last note...... No, I don't always eat in secret.  I'm not afraid to eat around others, but I do have my moments of enjoying eating alone, in my home, with the doors locked. LOL

When something is bothering you, rather than eating it away, or drinking it away, or using drugs to numb the pain, the best thing to do is to talk to someone about it.  If it's something deep that you don't feel you can share, try journaling.  It's helped me tremendously!  

Be kind, speak kind words to others and don't forget to be kind to yourself too!!

Love,

Don't Become TOO Available...........

Hi Gang!  Happy Tuesday! 💜

I hop on here when something happens that sparks my mind to share with others because I feel like maybe you've felt the same feelings I'm going through.

The headline speaks volumes into anyone's life, but especially in mine today.  Some may understand and some may be wondering what in the world I mean.

In my life I have been notorious for making myself TOO available.  What I mean by that is that for those in my life that I care deeply about, I've dropped things I'm doing or places I'm going, to make myself available, always running to/for them or being overly available when people need/want things.  

Unfortunately, by making myself TOO available, I over-extend myself and I don't get the same response in return.  As a result, I set myself up for a let down of hurt and heartache.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying you shouldn't do things for others.  That's not the premise for this blog.  It's simply to suggest you don't CONSTANTLY make yourself available.  There is nothing wrong with saying "No" when asked to do something.  That's been a tough concept for me to grasp.  I've always felt that telling someone 'No' would hurt/devastate them and I hate hurting people.  In my life, I'd rather say yes and hurt myself than for others to hurt.  Slowly, I'm learning that sometimes saying 'No' is the only choice and can be more beneficial for my mental and physical health.  The person receiving the 'No' doesn't have to like it or understand it.  That's definitely a tough pill for me to swallow because of not wanting to hurt anyone.  Though tough, I sometimes swallow that bitter pill and realize later it was the best medicine for me at the time.

There is a fine balance in all things in life and we all need HEALTHY boundaries.  I'll do more of a blog on this at another time.

While I'm writing this for my blog, I'm preaching to myself here more than anything.  

When I was married, I ran ALL the time.  Whatever he wanted, I did it.  Wherever he needed me to be, I was there.  Unfortunately, I didn't get the same respect in return.  I find that I'm falling into that same experience in a new relationship.  I'm such a lover and a giver that part of my love language is just doing for people, giving to them and wanted to be with them all the time.  

I guess I'm just too much! LOL  I need to learn to pull back the reigns a bit.  I have done that in some areas of my life.  I've cut out a few extras that were causing me headache and heartache.  That has definitely helped!  When you're in a situation where you are being disrespected and looked down on, you need to re-evaluate why you're in that position.  If nothing can be done to change it, then it may be time to remove it from your life; this can be a friendship, a job situation, an organization affiliation, or any other relationship you have.

Something else I need to work on is not taking things so personally.  I'm notorious for that.  Someone can say or do something that anyone else wouldn't pay attention to, but my mind goes in a million directions and I tend to overthink things.  👅

I don't think we always realize how much we're affected mentally and emotionally by situations in our lives.  If you're anything like me, I take a lot of crap before I explode.  Things keep getting pushed to the back burner, so to speak, until they've built up so much, one little, insignificant thing can  cause a total meltdown.  At first, you wonder where that came from, but when you take a step back and think about all the situations you've been encountering, but not dealing with, it starts to dawn on you where the flood is coming from.

When you are going through something, I encourage you to talk to someone.  You can talk to a relative, a friend, significant other, or even me!  Something else you can do, if you don't feel comfortable 'talking', would be to journal.  I have found that if I can at least get my feelings down on paper, it's taken a load off my mind and I can breathe again.  It's not until you start to talk to someone or journal, that you realize all that you've got pent up inside.  It eats away at us and we don't even realize it.

Stress can do terrible things to a body, so PLEASE be sure to talk to someone or try journaling to work out what's bugging you.  You'll be so glad you did!!

Much love!!

Confidence........... Do you have it?

Happy Friday Eve!  😎🌻🌞

It's so hard to believe it's the 1st of June already.  The year is just FLYING by!

Something that's working on me today is my confidence, or moreover, the lack thereof.  

I've never been an overly confident person in my life.  That's mostly because of my size.  I'm no twiggy by any stretch and I've ALWAYS been reminded, as if I can't see it for myself in the mirror daily! 😉  But for some reason, I guess to make themselves feel better about themselves, many people in my life have put me down because of my weight.

Do you realize that the more you're told something over and over again, you begin to BELIEVE IT?  While it's true that I am too overweight, it's not WHO I am as a person, but people have convinced me over the years that fat = ugly, that fat = worthless, that fat = stupidity, etc, etc, etc...  

Over my 48 (closer to 49) years on this planet, I've been on a plethora of diets.  It's ranged from starvation, to pills, to low fat, to no carbs, the list goes on and on.  Different times I've lost as much as 65 lbs. only to gain it back.  I hang on for just so long and then I'm back to my old habits again.  

It doesn't always take much for me to go back to those old habits.  The sad thing is, I'm not hurting anyone else but myself when I do go back.  

You might be saying........."If you lost 65 lbs, why on EARTH would you let yourself gain it back plus more?".  I think that's a great question.  Unfortunately I don't have a good answer for it.  

When I've been put down in one way or another, I've turned to food for comfort.  Food has never lied to me (thankfully it doesn't talk at all, except for beans! LOL), never cheated on me, never made me feel less than, never made me feel insecure (when I say these things, I mean that's how I felt during the time I was eating the food).  I've eaten so much to stuff myself so that I focus on the miserable stuffed feeling rather than the reason I began eating in the first place.  

I'm going through some deep insecurities in my life right now and trying desperately NOT to eat my feelings away, but that's easier said than done.  

We all go through an abundance of issues in our lives and we all handle them in different ways.  Some people over-exercise, some do drugs, some drink alcohol, some go into a deep depression, and like me, some eat to handle life.  

Is it something I'm proud of?  Absolutely not, but it's been my drug of choice.  I want to be able to cope in healthier ways and I'm trying to teach myself to do that.  For me, it's a slow process.

Wouldn't it be nice to have someone just swoop in and take away all the insecurities we feel so that we wouldn't ever have to feel that way again?  Life just doesn't work that way.  

I'm trying to rely more on God.  Even though I love Him deeply, it's still a struggle because He's not here with me in the flesh.  I know His Spirit is with me, but having Him here as a tangible human being in my midst to talk to would be so much better.

I've had friends and lost them for standing up for my convictions.  That's definitely a lonely place of insecurities, but I would do the same all over again.  

Someone I know has a boyfriend who lives in an apartment.  Someone new happens to be moving in and that someone is a single woman about the same age as her boyfriend.  She's terribly insecure about the whole situation because she and her boyfriend don't live together nor do they live in the same town.  I'm not sure what to tell her that would be a good way to handle her insecurities as I would feel the same way.  She needs to trust him and if he breaks that trust, she'll have no choice, but to move on.  

In the scope of life, loneliness is terribly hard.  No one knows what that feels like until you've walked a mile in those moccasins.  Sometimes we put up with things we wouldn't normally for fear of being lonely again and I know that's where she's at.  I wish I could wrap my arms around her, hug her tight and make every insecurity go away, but I can't.  

Our minds are very powerful and try to make us see and think things that aren't really there.  This girl is already visualizing her boyfriend with the new apartment tenant.  In all fairness, she does have good reason because he hasn't always been the most truthful with her, but she's been trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.  I'm just not sure how much longer she can hold on.  I can only wait in the wings and be here for her regardless of what may happen.  

It's painful watching someone go through tough times in their life and knowing there's nothing you can do to fix it or make it go away.  I guess that's what molds and shapes us into stronger people. 

If you have any suggestions for advice that I can give, please let me know.  We just have to leave it in God's hands and let Him take care of the situation.

Have a great weekend!!

Feeling Run Over?

Good Morning!

Have you ever felt over run, outnumbered, as though your opinion doesn't matter or not respected?
When I say 'over run', it's from a metaphorical stance.  

This is something I've been dealing with lately.  There are some individuals in my life that seem to feel that things can't run without them.  I'm moving up into a new position in the fall, but feeling a bit as though I'm not truly wanted in the position or that I'm not capable of handling the position.  The one I'm replacing doesn't want to fully leave and the other one coming up behind me has me overwhelmed, bombarded with e-mails constantly on any one particular subject like a dog after a bone.

Let's face it.  We live in a predominantly man run society.  There are many 'Good 'Ol Boys Clubs' out there.  They don't feel that a female could possibly do as good of a job as they can because females are incompetent, at least in their eyes.


I'm the kind of person who is kind hearted, likes to keep the peace and doesn't like to argue unless it's absolutely necessary.  I guess maybe I'm just too soft to step into the position that I'll be stepping into. 

Maybe I just need to 'Embrace the uncertainty' of it all.............

I just need to put on my 'big girl panties' and keep the faith that everything will all work out. 

I just need to be 'me' and let the chips fall where they may.  If anyone doesn't like me for the real person that I am, it's not my problem, it's theirs. 

If you've ever felt this way, leave me a comment about your experience and what you've done to deal with it.

Love,

Texting

https://youtu.be/FFDzhvMmeBQ

Give my video a listen.

Thanks! 💖

Pia

April .........Over 1/2 Way Over?? WHAT????

Hi My Beauties!

I just received an order I placed with Wet-N-Wild and one of the things on my list is the newer PhotoFocus Foundation.  I tried it for the first time this morning and absolutely love it!  I ordered it in Soft Beige and was fortunate enough that the color worked for me.  I used a buffer brush to blend it out.  I'll be trying it with a sponge in the future.  It really depends on the foundation brand as to what tool applies it best.  Some I've used have worked better with a sponge, some with a brush and some with just my fingers. 

I suggest you try several different ways before you give up on a particular foundation you may be trying.  It really CAN make a world of difference just by using a different application method.

 

Next in my box was the 'Crown Of My Canopy' highlighting powder.  This has quite a golden tone to it and I'll be trying that in the near future.  The reason I didn't try it this morning is because of the next product in the box, Ombre Blush in the shade 'Mai Tai Buy You A Drink'.  This really was amazing when I applied it to my face.  It has a warm glow, enough that I didn't feel the need to apply a separate highlighter.  This blush is sooooooooooo beautiful!  I had no idea I'd love it as much as I do.  It's buttery soft and I applied it with an E.L.F. stipple brush and it blended out beautifully!

I saw that they've come out with a Micellar Cleansing Water and because the top is a push pump, I really wanted to try it!!  Last night I was busy swatching on the back of my hand which gave me the opportunity to see how it worked at removing the swatches.  It worked great!  Enough said. LOL

I saw that they have Gel Lip Liners and purchased one in the shade 'Bare To Comment'.  I used it this morning before putting on my liquid lip.  It was a very soft, comfortable liner.   I not only lined my lips, but colored them in with it as well as a base for the liquid lip.  It's kind of a nudey pink color.

I then applied the MegaLast Liquid Catsuit matte Lipstick in 'Rebel Rose'.  It's basically a my lips but better type of shade.  I've had it on for 4 hours so far and it's stayed well on my lips and has been quite comfortable as liquid lipsticks go.  I also ordered 'Give Me Mocha', but I don't believe it was in the box.  I've got to go back and give things another look through to be sure I didn't drop it somewhere.

I saw the Mega Rocks Glitter Nail Color in the color 'At Will Call' with beautiful purple and silver glitter inside and I'm excited to try this on an accent nail.

The last thing I ordered was the Photo Focus Concealer in the shade 'Light Ivory'.  I did not try it this morning because I received a sample of Bobbi Brown's concealer in another box and decided to try that first.  

 Once I've had a chance to try the other products I'll be back to let you know my thoughts.

I pray that you're healthy, that you're happy that you're safe and most importantly, I pray that you have P.E.A.C.E. in your life!

Until we meet again my friends, have an AWESOME WEEKEND!!

Love,