Happy Monday! It's a beautifully sunny day here with lower humidity, so darn near perfect weather! ☀☀☀
For those who don't know me, I was married for 20 years. During those 20 years I gave birth to 2 beautiful children that I wouldn't trade for anything! I always referred to us as the 3 amigos as we did most everything together. Wherever I went, I took them with me.
We had a small hobby farm with goats, sheep, chickens, ducks, rabbits, dogs & cats plus one guinea pig and for a short time, a little bird. The kids were a part of the local 4-H club and would show animals at the local fair. One year we even had 10 ducklings hatch and several baby chicks!
During those years there were many times of turbulence. The kids and I never knew what we were going to come home to, Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. It was nothing to come home to either things strewn over the back yard or dumped in a pile inside the house or across the driveway. A good portion of the time we didn't even want to go home. That's NO WAY TO LIVE.
I don't want to paint a picture of myself as being Ms. Perfect, because I'm not. I get upset just like anyone else. I have sad days, just like anyone else. But what we were dealing with was beyond the norm of the average set of feelings. He was not diagnosed until after I'd left. It's been said that he has Personality Disorder and is border-line Bi-Polar. Twenty years ago those were terms I'd never heard of before. I just knew that the life the children & I were living couldn't possibly be 'normal', if there is such a thing. It wasn't anything we talked about with anyone. We were too scared and ashamed.
When the kids would get screamed at for no particular reason, I'd sit them down when he wasn't around and explain that 'this ISN'T NORMAL'. NO CHILD should have to live their childhood this way. No ADULT should have to live this way either. When you go home at the end of each day, your home should be your safe place, your refuge, your private place to go and be happy and shut out the world after a long day and know that there is peace there.
This was NOT the case for us. I would get multiple calls throughout the day and never know what kind of mood I would be greeted with. Would it be 'Hello Pia my love!', or would it be (no greeting) followed by getting chewed up and spit out because the mower broke (happening while I'm at work an no were NEAR the mower).
Different times the kids and I would come home at the end of the day only to walk in to find drawers dumped out in the middle of a room in a huge pile because he couldn't find something he was looking for and so it was my fault that I didn't keep a clean enough house.
I've not spoken about this in quite some time. I've been divorced for 5 1/2 years and I've always been insecure about speaking out, fearing that some people (especially any of my ex- in-laws) would find this & read it and be upset. I'm no longer going to worry about that because if this can possibly help someone else, it's all worth it in the end! Most of them no longer speak to me anyway, so I'm not out anything! LOL
I'm not going to go into deep details, but what I want to stress is that if you are in a volatile situation, whether it's physical or verbal/emotional abuse, you need to get out. Both types of abuse are very harmful. The physical abuse can be seen with scars on the outside, but the verbal/emotional abuse scars cannot, but is equally horrible.
While I'm not an advocate for divorce under normal circumstances where both parties are willing to work on the issues they face by getting counseling and talking things out, there are those instances where only one person of the couple is willing to seek counseling and the other fights it tooth and nail. (Yes, that happened in my case.) When you've done all you possibly can to try to save the marriage and it's irretrievably broken, the only thing you can do is to get divorced and move on with your life.
I had to go through a year of counseling and get on anti-depression/anxiety meds to get to where I am today. My children went through some counseling as well and I highly recommend counseling for ANYONE! They are impartial and can give you the tools you need to learn how to deal with what you've gone through and are going through. Don't ever let anyone shame you from getting the help you need.
I know that 'getting out' can be extremely scary. So many thoughts went through my mind as to how I would survive on my own, where would I go, what would I do, but God showed up and showed off! I completely surrendered my situation to Him. I told Him that if it was His will that I get divorced, He would need to make a way where there seemed to be no way and He did!! While He doesn't like divorce, He also doesn't like seeing His children suffer.
I'm not sure how people get through life without God. I certainly couldn't have made it without Him, that's for sure! He provided me a place for my son and I to live temporarily in the beginning, then provided a home for me to rent, kept me safe in the midst of the divorce proceedings and safe in the midst of moving 1/2 of the belongings out of the home we used to share.
https://www.domesticshelters.org/wi/wisconsin-domestic-violence-help-statistics#.WX-D2YTythE
or
http://www.thehotline.org/
Above are a couple of links for you to find the help you need if you're in a volatile situation. It's good to learn as much as you can. Knowledge is power. You need that knowledge to protect yourself and any children you have. So many people have been too afraid to reach out for help and many end up dead as a result. PLEASE don't let that be you! I say 'people' because it's not only women that get abused. There are many men that get abused as well.
One book that I would highly recommend is called "Why Is He So Mean To Me" by Cindy Burrell. It was a page turner for me because it felt like most of it was my own life.
I want EVERYONE to be safe and happy!
I pray that you're healthy, happy, safe and I pray that you have P.E.A.C.E. in your life!!
Until we meet again my friends, have a SAFE week!!
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