Divorce..........My Personal Thoughts

Hi Gang!  

Happy Monday!  It's a beautifully sunny day here with lower humidity, so darn near perfect weather!  ☀☀☀

For those who don't know me, I was married for 20 years.  During those 20 years I gave birth to 2 beautiful children that I wouldn't trade for anything!  I always referred to us as the 3 amigos as we did most everything together.  Wherever I went, I took them with me.

We had a small hobby farm with goats, sheep, chickens, ducks, rabbits, dogs & cats plus one guinea pig and for a short time, a little bird.  The kids were a part of the local 4-H club and would show animals at the local fair.  One year we even had 10 ducklings hatch and several baby chicks!  

During those years there were many times of turbulence.  The kids and I never knew what we were going to come home to, Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde.  It was nothing to come home to either things strewn over the back yard or dumped in a pile inside the house or across the driveway.  A good portion of the time we didn't even want to go home.  That's NO WAY TO LIVE.

I don't want to paint a picture of myself as being Ms. Perfect, because I'm not.  I get upset just like anyone else.  I have sad days, just like anyone else.  But what we were dealing with was beyond the norm of the average set of feelings.  He was not diagnosed until after I'd left.  It's been said that he has Personality Disorder and is border-line Bi-Polar.  Twenty years ago those were terms I'd never heard of before.  I just knew that the life the children & I were living couldn't possibly be 'normal', if there is such a thing.  It wasn't anything we talked about with anyone.  We were too scared and ashamed.

When the kids would get screamed at for no particular reason, I'd sit them down when he wasn't around and explain that 'this ISN'T NORMAL'.  NO CHILD should have to live their childhood this way.  No ADULT should have to live this way either.  When you go home at the end of each day, your home should be your safe place, your refuge, your private place to go and be happy and shut out the world after a long day and know that there is peace there.  

This was NOT the case for us.  I would get multiple calls throughout the day and never know what kind of mood I would be greeted with.  Would it be 'Hello Pia my love!', or would it be (no greeting) followed by getting chewed up and spit out because the mower broke (happening while I'm at work an no were NEAR the mower).  

Different times the kids and I would come home at the end of the day only to walk in to find drawers dumped out in the middle of a room in a huge pile because he couldn't find something he was looking for and so it was my fault that I didn't keep a clean enough house.  

I've not spoken about this in quite some time.  I've been divorced for 5 1/2 years and I've always been insecure about speaking out, fearing that some people (especially any of my ex- in-laws) would find this & read it and be upset.  I'm no longer going to worry about that because if this can possibly help someone else, it's all worth it in the end!  Most of them no longer speak to me anyway, so I'm not out anything! LOL

I'm not going to go into deep details, but what I want to stress is that if you are in a volatile situation, whether it's physical or verbal/emotional abuse, you need to get out.  Both types of abuse are very harmful.  The physical abuse can be seen with scars on the outside, but the verbal/emotional abuse scars cannot, but is equally horrible.  

While I'm not an advocate for divorce under normal circumstances where both parties are willing to work on the issues they face by getting counseling and talking things out, there are those instances where only one person of the couple is willing to seek counseling and the other fights it tooth and nail. (Yes, that happened in my case.)  When you've done all you possibly can to try to save the marriage and it's irretrievably broken, the only thing you can do is to get divorced and move on with your life.  

I had to go through a year of counseling and get on anti-depression/anxiety meds to get to where I am today.  My children went through some counseling as well and I highly recommend counseling for ANYONE!  They are impartial and can give you the tools you need to learn how to deal with what you've gone through and are going through.  Don't ever let anyone shame you from getting the help you need.

I know that 'getting out' can be extremely scary.  So many thoughts went through my mind as to how I would survive on my own, where would I go, what would I do, but God showed up and showed off!  I completely surrendered my situation to Him.  I told Him that if it was His will that I get divorced, He would need to make a way where there seemed to be no way and He did!!  While He doesn't like divorce, He also doesn't like seeing His children suffer.

I'm not sure how people get through life without God.  I certainly couldn't have made it without Him, that's for sure!  He provided me a place for my son and I to live temporarily in the beginning, then provided a home for me to rent, kept me safe in the midst of the divorce proceedings and safe in the midst of moving 1/2 of the belongings out of the home we used to share.  

https://www.domesticshelters.org/wi/wisconsin-domestic-violence-help-statistics#.WX-D2YTythE

or

http://www.thehotline.org/

Above are a couple of links for you to find the help you need if you're in a volatile situation.  It's good to learn as much as you can.  Knowledge is power.  You need that knowledge to protect yourself and any children you have.  So many people have been too afraid to reach out for help and many end up dead as a result.  PLEASE don't let that be you!  I say 'people' because it's not only women that get abused.  There are many men that get abused as well.  

One book that I would highly recommend is called "Why Is He So Mean To Me" by Cindy Burrell.  It was a page turner for me because it felt like most of it was my own life.

I want EVERYONE to be safe and happy!

I pray that you're healthy, happy, safe and I pray that you have P.E.A.C.E. in your life!!

Until we meet again my friends, have a SAFE week!!

Just A Talking Head...................

Good Morning Gang! 

I hope you're all having a great day today!  The sun is shining here and I hope it is where you are too!

I had a disturbing dream the other night, but God gave me the meaning behind it.  I will try to share it with you to the best of my remembrance.  It was horrifying and later I'll tell you why I believe that it was.

I don't know if you dream very often, but I do and so many of my dreams feel so real!  I dream in color and it's usually in the version of a type of 'story line' (for lack of a better way to describe it) vs being just blips of different situations.

*** TRIGGER ALERT ***  If you are sensitive, this story may not be for you.  I'm trying NOT to make it any more graphic than necessary.

There was this huge barn or building and it seemed to be a court house of sorts yet the back room that I had to check on looked like the back calf pen I used to feed calves in when I was a kid.  

In this place, people who had committed heinous crimes were sent for judgement.  They would be hung (like in the wild west days) until dead, but their necks didn't snap.  They were left to slowly die.  The two, in particular that I had to check on nightly before locking up, were two females.  What they had done to deserve this sentence wasn't clear to me.  I HATED going in to have to check to be sure they were there and to turn off the lights before locking the door behind me, but it was my job.  After a few days of hanging there they hadn't passed away and someone came in and decapitated them, but their heads were still in the noose.  They kept telling me that they were going to get me......that it was all my fault....... to be watching my back......... and on and on and on.....  I was so terrified that I didn't shut the lights off, nor did I lock the door.  I just ran.

This dream happened this past Sunday night.  I woke up yesterday remembering the dream, but not sure of it's meaning.  It wasn't until last night while I was getting ready for bed that the Lord revealed to me that they were 'Just talking heads'......... that they talked on and on, threatening and trying to get into my mind, but they were merely HEADS and couldn't touch me or do anything to me.  He used the severity of the dream to get my attention!  He told me that there are many people out in the world like this as well as the devil himself, trying to talk and talk and talk to get into our minds, threatening us, belittling us, terrorizing us...........but they're only talking heads that are unable to do anything but talk big.  

Now, I feel the need to make something clear here.  You should ALWAYS be aware of your surroundings!  If someone is actually threatening you, take things seriously and take appropriate action!!  

What I'm more referring to here is just when people, or the devil, try to manipulate you in your mind.  They say things to try to get you to think irrationally or try to make you think your problems are bigger than they actually are, or the negative thoughts that you're unworthy, too fat, too thin, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not handsome enough, etc.............  Always remember that it's just a 'talking head' that has NO power to control you.  Tune those negative thoughts out, as if they're just saying "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah........", so that you're not hearing what they're saying.  I hope that makes sense.

It was a horrible dream, but it certainly got my attention and God helped me to understand very strongly of the deception that is in this world.  That there are creeps out there who will try to convince you things are right that you KNOW are wrong.  They'll try to oversell themselves to you.  They'll do whatever it takes to manipulate you to see their way.  

Have YOU ever had a crazy dream?  Were you able to decipher the meaning behind it?  If you have, tell me about them!  So many dreams I've had have left me guessing, but this one was revealed to me and I'm so thankful for that!  

I pray that you're healthy, happy, safe and I pray that you have P.E.A.C.E in your life!

Until we meet again my friends, have a terrific Tuesday!

Love,

WWF........... Meat Market???

Hi Gang!

We're off to a running start on a beautiful Monday morning!! 
                            🏃☼ 🏃☼🏃☼🏃☼🏃☼🏃 ☼

You may be wondering what in the world today's thought path is about.  If you're unfamiliar with WWF, it stands for Words With Friends.  It's a game app where you can play a game of creating words that connect to other words.  If you have 'real' friends, you can obviously play a game with them, but be warned.  You may get a game request from a stranger.  That can be OK, but player beware!  

I went on this app quite some time ago to actually play the game.  For a time it was perfectly fine and I had no issues.

Then one day I received a message from a man wanting to play a game of WWF.  It seemed innocent at first, no big deal.  But after a short time I was being asked questions of a sexual nature (too graphic for me to put here).  I chalked it up as just a pervert and moved on.

Unfortunately, it kept happening.  I know I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I'm not completely stupid.  It dawned on me that WWF has become nothing more than a meat market, and I was quite taken aback.  

Now granted, I've not done a lot of things in my lifetime.  I've led a fairly sheltered lifestyle, so I've always been a trusting soul giving people the benefit of the doubt.  I'm learning, as I get older, that I just can't always do that.  There are trolls and perverts out there who are looking for a hook-up.  They don't care whether you're in a committed relationship or not.  

Realizing this makes me so sad.  So I urge you, that if you're going to play any app games that involve other players who are strangers to you, player beware!!  It's easy to start an innocent conversation that can turn into a nightmare.  If you don't know the person, either block them or don't respond to their messages.

I had one guy that started a game, messaged me and when I didn't respond, he ended the game.  He was obviously there for a hook-up and NOT a game of WWF.  

ALWAYS be aware of your surroundings, whether in person or online.  It CAN save your life!

I pray that you're healthy, happy, safe and I pray that you have PEACE in your life!

Love,

Over-Thinking .......... Part 2

Hi Gang!

We're on the downhill slide towards yet another weekend already!  It's another Friday Eve!

I've decided to do a Part 2 to the Over-Thinking thought path.....................

Do you realize how powerful your mind is?  I wanted to delve into over-thinking just a bit deeper.

When thoughts come into your mind (in particular, negative), when you entertain those thoughts by continuously thinking about them & expanding on them, you can quickly work yourself into a dither.
What exactly am I referring to?  Let me give an example.....

You've received a text from your significant other saying they won't be able to go out tonight.  You've not seen their facial expressions nor have you heard their voice inflections.  Because of not seeing or hearing them, your mind begins to race with all kinds of thoughts of different scenarios of WHY they won't be over tonight.  Are they upset with you?  Are they seeing someone else?  What are they doing?  If they ARE seeing someone else, WHO are they seeing?  And on and on and on.............

You can see that just from one simple text, the mind can race into multiple directions creating chaos in the mind thinking a million things that just aren't true or real.  As a result, it can take you into a panic or an anxiety ridden place in your mind.  It can bring about anger, sadness, loneliness, rage, weeping, etc....

Had you just received the text and let it end with the fact that the person just wouldn't be over and go on with your day thinking about what you have to do or where you have to go and just accept the text at face value, you would definitely be at peace.

While texting is a great form of communication, it's still not, by far, the most effective.  You can see from the example above how your mind can go into over-drive thinking things that aren't even happening.

Another time we can get caught up in over-thinking can be from waiting on a doctor's report, thinking about all the different potential scenarios.  Or maybe your boss wants to have a meeting with you tomorrow.  Or maybe you've received a voicemail that the bank is requesting a call back from you.  The list goes on and on of things we can blow out of proportion with over-thinking.

When you start to do what I like to call 'stinkin' thinkin'', you need to make a conscious effort to STOP those thoughts before they get out of control.  Think on pleasant things and in the above scenarios, take them for their initial face value and move on.

Over-thinking can cause us so much unneeded pain and suffering.  Two sure fire ways of helping release the tension of over-thinking are to either a) have a good cry or b) get a good night's sleep or possibly both!  These are great stress relievers and in the morning you will be refreshed not only physically, but especially mentally.

I pray that this reaches someone & helps them today.  Believe me, I'm preaching to myself in this blog! LOL

Love,

New Beginnings............

Happy Hump Day Everyone!

It's beginning to be a rainy, stormy day here.  If it is where you are, stay dry.  It would be a perfect evening to be home snuggling under a blanket on the couch!

Today's thought path is about 'New Beginnings'..................

New beginnings come about in different ways.  Sometimes a new beginning can be initially masked as a situation that can feel pretty terrible.  Divorce, death, moving, job change, etc..... At the time, those things can feel devastating.  However, unknown to us at the time, those terrible situations are about to blossom into a beautiful New Beginning!

Just remember that even though a trial you may be facing right now seems daunting, it WILL get BETTER!  It helps to have the love and support of family and friends.

My kids, for example, no matter how many times they can nit pick at each other or get upset with each other, they know they have each other to turn to in times of trouble and/or sorrow.  My kids will listen to me, but they'll listen to each other first.  They respect each other's opinions and ideas far more than mine.  Why?  Because I'm the MOM. LOL

I've often thought about my life and how I sometimes feel I don't have many people in it especially after my divorce.  It can sometimes feel very lonely.  But then I stop to think about all the people who are actually in my life and I'm not so alone after all.  Point being, when we have friends and loved ones, we can face anything no matter what the situation may be.  We're there to lift each other up, to walk along side each other, to be a sounding board and a cheering section or an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on and even arms to hug and lips for kisses.

When we have this massive amount of support, it turns the crappy situation into a New Beginning.  It lightens the load not only on our shoulders but on our hearts as well.  It gives us a new sense of purpose and belonging.  Let's face it.  We ALL want to BELONG SOMEWHERE.  We want to fit in.  This doesn't mean we have to conform to someone else's standards, but to fit in with others who see things the same way we do.

The next time you're feeling alone or in a rough situation, know that there are people who love and support you.  Have a good cry.  Take a bubble bath.  Call a friend.  Go for a walk.  Do something to begin to make things better for yourself, to help create a New Beginning.

Remember, its OK to cry.  Like a tea kettle ready to blow, it's a wonderful stress reliever.  You'll be glad you did.  

Love,