How Do You Handle Confusion & Anxiety ..............

Hi Everyone!

Can you believe we're soon to be done with February 2017???

That's NOT what I'm confused about.  LOL  😂😂😂

The type of confusion I'm referring to is being confused about how to feel about certain things in life that other people do.

I used to think things were cut and dried.  You either agreed or disagreed with a situation.  I find that's not always the case.  I know it probably sounds strange or you may think it's a weird revelation for me to have out of the blue.  You may be saying........"I already KNEW THAT!".   I guess it's not that I maybe didn't already know, but it was never anything that I really thought about much in depth.

I learned some news over the weekend that I'm still not 100% sure how I feel.  I was asked if I were mad about what happened by the person who delivered the news to me.  I wasn't mad, but I wasn't happy either.  I was confused and a bit anxious.  It brought back memories of an unhappy time in my life.  I had to stop myself and rationalize what was ACTUALLY happening. 

A few years ago my therapist gave me a great tool to deal with those anxious feelings:

A - B - C - D's

A: define the "activating" anxiety-producing event.
B: describe your "belief" about it.
C: describe what you believe to be the "consequence" of it.
D: "dispute" it.

Example:

A: Activating Event:  You receive news that reminds you of a bad time in your life

B:  Belief :  'Oh no!  It's happening ALL OVER AGAIN!'

C: Consequence: (What you believe will be the consequences) 'Everything is going to fall apart and I'll be embarrassed and ashamed.'

D:  Dispute it:  'This is NOT the same situation.  It's not even with the same person.  As a result, it's not the same traumatic situation as was before. 

I had a time when I was shopping, went to pay for my groceries and my debit card was declined.  I was IMMEDIATELY transported (in my mind) back to a time when I would have been verbally abused severely about such an incident.  I had to work the steps to get through the anxiety and help myself understand that this time was different.  I would no longer get the tongue lashing I would have previously gotten.  It was a situation where the bank had a limit of how much could be spent in one day on the debit card for my protection in the event I would lose it or it would be stolen.  It wasn't anything I had done, but nonetheless set off my anxiety to an awful level as though I HAD done something wrong.  After years of being told so many things were my fault when they weren't, became ingrained in my brain. Using those steps makes a world of difference for me and I thought I would share them with you because anxiety feels terrible!

It's so important to take a step back and assess what is TRULY happening when you get the anxious feelings inside.  When you can do that, and go through the steps above, you'll be able to rationalize the situation. 

I sure hope this helps someone today.  If it does, please pass on the ABCD's I've shared above to help someone else.

I pray that you're healthy, that you're happy, that you're safe, and most importantly, I pray that you have P-E-A-C-E in your life!

Until we meet again my friends, have a super week!

BoxyCharm ~ February 2017......................

Happy Friday All!  Woot Woot!

We've made it through another glorious week while living the dream. 😎

Today I wanted to show you what arrived in my mailbox yesterday...........................

As you can see by the title it's my #FebruaryBoxyCharm Box !  

Of all the subscription boxes I've tried, this one is my #AbsoluteFavorite one by far!  They always have great products in them and I've not yet felt slighted in the least!

When I added up the retail for all the items I received, it totals to over $160!!  Not bad for a $19.66 box!  

I received :

 3 Brushes from Sedona Lace 

 2 Eye shadows from Makeup Geek

 1 Small Z-Palette

 1 Lipstick from Japonesque in a beautiful deep wine color

 1 Dr. Brandt Tube of Microdermabrasion Age Defying Exfoliator along with a code for 25% off of my next purchase

If you've never heard of BoxyCharm or been hesitant to give it a try, I encourage you to give it a try.  

Here's my referral link :


https://boxycharm.com/refer/Penny-JTQGOXKM

I am not sponsored in any way by BoxyCharm.  I just really enjoy this subscription and think you will too!  The only thing I will get if you use my referral code are points for products.  If you sign up, you'll be able to do the same thing!  So why not?!?!

I pray that you're healthy, that you're happy, that you're safe, and most importantly, I pray that you have P-E-A-C-E in your life!

Until next time friends!

Have a great weekend!

 




















 

Lies & Other Intolerable Things......................

Happy Thursday Everybody!!  It's another day in paradise! LOL 😂

I hope you're all having an amazing day!! 

I just wanted to talk about intolerable things in relationships, in particular, love relationships.

Most people have quirks in their relationships that can bug them, but when we love each other, they're usually small things that we can tolerate.  When they go outside of that zone, it's another story.

One thing that I find intolerable is having the one you love lie about being sick to get out of work, especially when they ask YOU to call in sick for them.  That's just not cool.  That used to happen to me A LOT!

Something else I find intolerable is feeling as though you're the only one keeping the relationship going.  You do all the talking, messaging, traveling, spending, etc...  

Any relationship should not be 50/50, but 100/100 and communication is key.   Both parties have to equally communicate.  When that doesn't happen, suspicion arises and both people begin to question in their minds;  Are they cheating?  Are they lying?  Are they sneaking around?  Maybe they're not into me anymore? 

See where this is going?  It can be the end of a great relationship which could have been avoided had the two just opened up and been honest with each other.

Why is it so hard to open up?  I believe it's because we fear what the answer will be.  We fear that it will be what we didn't want to hear, that it's the end of the relationship and we have to, once again, START OVER. 💔

As one who has gone through divorce and been down the online path, starting over to find love is a daunting task, especially in today's society of trying to find love online.    There are a LOT of creeps out there. 👾   👽   👻    👹     

PLEASE BE CAREFUL! 💜

My best bit of advice is to first learn to love yourself and learn to be ok by yourself.  Also, dig deep within yourself and figure out what you ARE and ARE NOT willing to put up with in a relationship.   Once you've accomplished this, you can move forward in looking for love.  Just don't depend on someone else to make you happy.  If you do, you'll never find true happiness.

Don't move in together right away.  That can be a true recipe for disaster.  There are times when it can work, but .....................

Please just love yourself enough not to put up with someone lying to you just stay in a relationship. What kind of relationship is it if you can't trust the other person?

Ain't love grand??!!??

I pray that you're healthy, that you're happy, that you're safe and most importantly I pray that you have P-E-A-C-E in your life!

Until we meet again my friends, have an awesome week!

 

Leave A Little Sparkle...................

Hi Gang!  HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!!  Woot Woot!!

I hope you've been having a great day and are excited for the weekend like me!  Because I work away from home, peaceful time spent at home is so special to me. 

Let's talk about 'Quiet Time'.  You're saying...."What??". 

No matter who you are, what your age, where you live, what you do for a living.......... We ALL need 'Quiet Time'.  It's a time that we need to take to just shut out the world and all the noise that goes with it. 

A few years ago I spoke with a young newlywed who told me she had a hard time being alone and thought I was a bit of a nut for saying that we all need quiet time.  She's since had a couple of children and came back to me to say she finally realized what I meant.

It's not only parents that need quiet time, but everyone.  I do remember as a parent, however, that special time in the evening when it was bedtime for the kids.  It was a time of peacefulness to sit in the quiet and enjoy an hour or two before heading to bed myself. 

Having quiet time gives your mind and body a chance to rejuvenate from all the craziness of the day.  There's just something about sitting in the still of the day.  You can have some devotional time and just a time of thinking about absolutely nothing.

Do you ever feel that there are so many things that people are trying to force you to think about/focus on?  Sometimes my brain just goes into overload and I have to back away and get quiet somewhere.

I'm the type of person who craves peace and to have things going along in life on an even keel.   I can get so filled with anxiety when I feel pressured.  I know I'm not unique in feeling this way, but I can only speak from my own personal experiences. 

One thing a friend taught me a few years ago is the fact that it's OK to say 'NO'.  You're probably scratching your head or laughing at me knowing that it's always ok to say no.  'No' can be a very difficult word to say.  So many people want you to do things, go places, commit to doing something, and rather than let them down, we can have a strong tendency to say 'Sure! No problem!  I'd love to!', while deep inside we're saying, 'No!  I really don't want to do anything today.  I'm super tired and have no more energy to expend and I'd love to go home and curl up on the couch or go back to bed.' 

I have learned, over time, that it's perfectly fine to say 'no' and the world won't fall apart and the person won't be mad at me.  Yes, maybe they'll be disappointed, but definitely not mad. 

Previously in my lifetime if someone got upset with me, I felt the whole world crashing down around me and felt like the most horrible person.  It would send me into anxiety, tears, fidgeting and looking for something to clean in the house to feel useful.  Unfortunately there wasn't much realization on their part of the mental hurt they inflicted on myself and on others.  As long as they got off their chest whatever was bothering them, they felt better with no regard to what it had just done to me.  Words can cut deeper than a knife.

In my current love relationship, I've often asked him if whatever I've said or done is upsetting to him.  He's always said no and asks why I would ask.  He's been so wonderful to me and it's just taking time for me to realize/re-program my mind to know that not everyone mis-treats people they 'love' and for my mind to realize that mis-treatment ISN'T LOVE.  When you're told something over and over and over, you eventually believe it to be a true statement even if it's not.  It becomes your reality, and to re-program those old thoughts in the mind takes time.

This brings me back to stressing how important Quiet Time is for ALL of us.  The other thing to remember is to be KIND to those around you.  We have no idea what those that we encounter are going through.  They may have had a death in the family, a divorce, an accident, loss of a job, ......... whatever it is, it can bring out a not so great side of the person going through it, so we need to extend an olive branch to those we encounter to try to make their day just a little brighter.

Ok.... enough with all the heavy blogs lately. LOL  I'll be getting some pics this weekend and doing subscription box reviews to lighten things up a bit. :)

I pray that you're healthy, that you're happy, that you're safe, and most importantly, I pray that you have P-E-A-C-E in your life.

Until we meet again my friends, enjoy YOUR quiet time and be sure to be nice to those you encounter.

This Is Us............. Who Else Loves This Show? WARNING: SPOILERS!!

Happy Wednesday Everyone!

How many of you are following This Is Us on Tuesday nights?  This is one series that I've really found myself enjoying.

Because they flip/flop back and forth between the present and the past, you really need to be paying attention.

***  SPOILER ALERT ***  IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED LAST NIGHT'S EPISODE, YOU MAY NOT WANT TO READ ANY FURTHER!


Speaking on a personal level, I can relate to Kate with having weight issues.

While I've never gone to a camp for weight loss, I have considered going to one taught by Geneen Roth, but the expense of the camp and the travel is just too expensive for me.  But I do believe that it's a mental thing, that we have to get down to the root of why we eat the way we do before we know how to fix it.

This camp is not only going to potentially help Kate to deal with underlying issues, but she's also going to have some tests on her relationship with Toby.

Here's the new guy....... Duke, I believe...... who is strongly attracted to Kate, looks into her eyes and tells her "This is going to happen"...........   She vehemently denies anything will ever happen. We'll just have to wait and see!

Randall's dad has decided to stop his chemo treatments and wants to make the most of his last days including asking Randall to teach him how to drive.

Kevin has a 'guys' talk with Toby about love and ends up paying a visit to his ex-wife...........

This was just a quick synopsis of last night's episode.  Even though I'm enjoying the love story between Kate and Toby, I'm wondering what's going to happen with Kate and Duke.  It definitely is keeping it interesting!!



LOTS of things going on in this episode, so if you haven't watched it, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR???  I haven't told you everything. 

If you don't have 'On Demand' or a DVR, not to fear.  Simply go to www.nbc.com and you'll be able to watch the full episode. 

Let me know YOUR thoughts on what you think of this show.

I pray that you're healthy, that you're happy, that you're safe, and most importantly I pray that you have P-E-A-C-E in your life!

Until we meet again my friends, have a great remainder of your week!

What are YOU looking for?.........................

Happy Hump Day Everyone!

I hope this finds you all doing great! 💃🎉🎉🎉

Something that's been on my mind for a while now has been the thought, "What am I looking for.....in particular, in a relationship?".   Sometimes I think I know and yet something will happen and I'm like, "I don't really like what's just happened or agree with what's been said, so why did I go along with it?".

I sometimes feel as though I'm afraid to speak my own opinion on things.  It's as if speaking my opinion will somehow hurt someone or anger them.  This could very well be the case.  Part of it goes back to the thoughts I spoke of yesterday of not wanting to hurt or upset someone by taking on the issues on my own.  The only problem with that is that I'm expecting the other person to read my mind, to know exactly how I feel without me having to speak one word.  Unfortunately, life just doesn't work that way.

While I may be afraid to speak my true feelings, in the end I'm hurting myself and my relationship with the other person.  How can things possibly get resolved if the truth isn't spoken?

 John 8:32

And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

Some of you may be saying, what in the world do you mean?  Well................. for example, if my sibling and I are discussing the care of a loved one, maybe my sibling thinks it would be best to take our loved one to a certain hospital.  I may not agree.  If I don't speak forth (in love, {gentleness, peace, kindness}  of course) what's on my mind, how is my sibling to know how I feel?  No one is a mind reader.

It comes down to a feeling of confrontation.  I, for one, HATE confrontation.  It's a very uncomfortable place to be in.  I always feel that if I confront someone in a situation, it's just going to end up in an explosion.  I've thought of multiple ways that the discussion can go sour.  I neglect to consider all the ways that things can go in a positive direction.  

In my example above, sharing the information I have with my sibling about the hospital they're considering for our loved one can shed light on things my sibling may have had no knowledge of.  Maybe I know of instances of abuse or neglect.  Not sharing that information hurts me because it rides on my conscience, it angers my sibling if that information wasn't shared sooner and ultimately hurts my loved one going to that particular hospital by receiving terrible treatment.  (NOTE: This is just for example purposes only and has no underlying meaning in my personal life.)

The bottom line is, it's a chain reaction.  Honesty is the best policy even when it feels uncomfortable to share.  

After going through years of verbal abuse from many angles, I've shut myself off from speaking my feelings.   It's either because of fear that it will cause an explosion or fear of being ridiculed & called stupid.  I need to step out of my comfort zone in my relationships and speak my feelings both for myself and for others.  

Have YOU ever felt like this?  Maybe it's a sibling or a spouse/significant other, friend, boss, co-worker, convenience store clerk, etc.....  You can definitely tell them how you feel, but just be sure to walk in love when you do it {in gentleness, peace & kindness}.  We can convey our feelings without being nasty about it.  As I've always told my children, It's not WHAT you say, but HOW you say it that makes a HUGE difference!

As far as what I'm looking for in my love relationship, I'm still trying to figure that out! LOL  I want to be loved just for who I am.  

Ok, in a fantasy life, I'd love to travel the world and see exotic places and be doted on like a queen never having to worry about money or time and be so head-over-heals in love and him the same with me, just spoiling me.  LOL  

I'm trying this honesty thing out.  How am I doing so far? LOL

Anyway.......I pray that you're happy, that you're healthy, that you're safe, and most importantly, I pray that you have P-E-A-C-E in your life.

Until we meet again my friends, have a great remainder of your day!

Other People's Opinions Of Me Are None Of My Business.................

Happy Tuesday Everyone!

I hope this finds you all doing well!  The past two days have been icy here and I am so looking forward to SPRING!!!

Has anyone ever told you the words I've titled today's blog?  This has been a challenging thought for me to wrap my mind around.

I've always been a 'people pleaser'.  I've always wanted to make others happy regardless of what they had done to me or what the consequences would do to me.  I know how much I can handle (or at least I believe I do) and I have always chosen to take burdens on my own shoulders rather than put them onto someone else.  I'd rather be hurt than for someone else to be hurt.

Some of you reading this are probably thinking I must be crazy for thinking like that.  Others of you will be able to relate as you also walk a mile in those moccasins. 

I'm a peacemaker and try to be a peacekeeper.  I've mentioned this in previous blog posts.  I've been lashed out at with so much anger and hostility in the people around me my entire life that my mantra now is P-E-A-C-E.  Life is far too short not to live in peace. 

In being this type of person, how everyone viewed me has always been HUGE in my life.  What others have said to me has always been taken to heart and I've let it define me.  When you're told repetitively the same thing, you begin to believe it.  I've always been one to wear my heart on my sleeve.

My brother, who committed suicide almost 21 years ago, used to tell me I'd always be tied to my mamma's apron strings and wouldn't amount to anything and everything that came out of my mouth, he told me was stupid.  (I do love and miss him greatly, please understand this, but these were things he did say to me when I was younger.)  In retaliation, I told him something our father said about him and as a result he left home and took a trucking job on long hauls that would keep him away from home.  I still feel terrible telling him what I did.  It was VERY hurtful and to top it all off, I made him pay me for the information.  (Please keep in mind that I was probably only 11 or 12 at the time.  Kids can be cruel, myself included.)

I can remember starting a new job years later and asking the girl who was training me if what I said sounded stupid to her.  She looked at me like I was on dope.  Again, after you're told something over and over, you truly begin to believe it.  It's something I still struggle with from time to time.

One cold winter day while my parents and I were out milking cows, I mentioned being cold.  My dad said "I didn't think elephants got cold?".  It still jabs at my heart still to this day and that was said over 30 years ago. 

I was told that I was nothing and would never be anything by my former spouse among a host of other vulgar names spewed at me.

Hurting people hurt people.

Proverbs 18:21

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Psalm 64:3
They sharpen their tongues like swords and aim cruel words like deadly arrows.

James 3:5

Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.

We can cause hurt and misery by saying certain things to others.  Be sure to stop before speaking and ask yourself if you'd appreciate those same words to be spoken to you.

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (And speak those things!  My addition to this passage.)

When someone does say something sharp to you, do your best to turn the other cheek and be sure to pray for them.  Again, hurting people hurt people.  Whatever they're going through in their personal lives is manifesting in the lashing out on others with negativity.

There have been MANY times in my life that I've been lashed out at.  Did I always hold my tongue?  I will be honest and tell you I have not.  Our first knee jerk reaction is for our own flesh to retaliate back when someone hurts us.  I am far from perfect and I've retaliated myself.  Was it right?  No.  But I'm trying each day to do better. 

***    NOTE   ***   I also want to say that if you're currently in an abusive situation, please seek help to get out.  There is a difference between an occasional argument and abuse.   No one should be subjected to abuse.  
 

Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline

Support, resources and advice for your safety

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

While your opinion of me is none of my business, I pray that I can make a positive impact on your life and that you would someday pay it forward with a positive impact on someone else's life that you'll touch.

The only opinion of me that matters is that of God's.

I pray that you're healthy, that you're happy, that you're safe, and most importantly I pray that you have P-E-A-C-E in your life!

Until we meet again my friends!