Is it just me or is this year racing by?
I sure hope your August was a good one. Mine was strange, but leaves me with many memories to cherish.
Not only has it left me with memories, but it's also given me a chance to reflect on my life; Still trying to figure out what I'm willing to put up with and what I'm not.
Maybe I'm the only one who coasts in life on auto-pilot, for lack of a better way to put it. I have a tendency to just deal with how people treat me and not always stand up for myself. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean anyone should just go off on someone else, but we also need to be aware of those things that don't bother us and those things that are intolerable in our lives and speak up about it, in particular, relationships.
If you're single and dating, how confident are you with what you're looking for, in what makes you happy and in what characteristics that you find off putting? Are you vocal about your feelings or are you like me and put up with a lot of things out of fear of hurting the other person?
I know what I'd LIKE in a relationship, but to find all those qualities in ONE human being can be challenging/daunting. I can sometimes be afraid to speak up for myself out of fear of being alone again. I know that when one door closes, another one opens. But for me I guess I live too much in the moment AND in the future.
I know that it's good to get outside of myself (to do things with others taking the focus off self), but as I've told you in the past, I'm more of a recluse. I don't always enjoy being around a lot of other people. I know this sounds terrible and lazy of me, but being around other people is a lot of work and the older I get the more tired I get when it comes to any relationships. Don't get me wrong, I love people, but to be around others, kind of, has to be on my own time table for the most part. When I'm forced into situations with a multitude of people, I get anxious and internally angry. That can especially happen if it's a situation that's sprung on me or if someone is trying to force me into something I'm just not prepared to do.
You may ask why that is........... I guess because I've been judged all my life and many times in an unflattering way. At times it can be emotionally painful when those judgments come out verbally and not just kept silent. When I'm home alone, no one is there to judge me, to verbally abuse me, or for me to constantly watch others wondering what they're thinking..........
"MAN, she's put on a ton of weight!", "WHY on EARTH is she wearing THOSE CLOTHES?", "She's NOT very intelligent, IS she?", "WHY was SHE put in that position in this group?", "LOOK at her double chin!", "She doesn't belong here!", etc.....
These are so many of the thoughts that constantly go through my mind when I get together with other people. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin because of always being judged. I know, other people judge too, including myself. It's an emotional roller coaster for me.
I don't know if any of you have ever experienced these types of situations in your life. I just wanted to share a bit here, vent a little, if you will.
If you've ever felt like this, how do YOU handle it? I'd love some feedback. I know there'll be some that may tell me to pray about it, and I've done that. I wait on God and will continue to do so, but sometimes we need an earth angel to help us get through some things and give advice and share their own experiences to help each other get through life.
I pray that you're healthy, happy, safe and I pray that you have P.E.A.C.E. in your life. Until we meet again my friends, have a great remainder of your weekend!
Love,
No comments:
Post a Comment