For those of you who take the time to read my ramblings, I sincerely thank you! I don't write for fame or glory by any means. I just hope that someone realizes they're not alone & that I go through things just like everyone else.
I'm going to get a bit more personal and serious today. I've had a boyfriend the past year. I have very deep feelings for him. He cares for me, but told me a while back that he doesn't have as deep of feelings for me. I probably should have walked away when he expressed that to me, but I didn't. The words did, however, keep playing in the back of my mind. After several weeks I went to him, sat down, and told him we should probably just be friends since he doesn't share my same deep feelings. We both cried. He's been terribly hurt by another in his past and fears getting into a relationship too deeply again. I've also been hurt, but I can't imagine being alone for the next 30-40 years of my life. That thought scares me. I have so much love to give, but because I'm a plus sized princess, many men just aren't interested.
Anyhoo.............. I just can't seem to get him off my mind. I think about him ALL the time. He works nights and I work days, so time together is extremely limited. We've still been doing some things together when possible, but I can't help but wonder if he's possibly found someone else because our time spent together is getting less and less. I know, I know........... I went to him and said we should just be friends. I also know.............. yes, he said he cares for me, but probably not as deeply as I care. So why on EARTH can't I get him off my mind?
I normally hit the hay around 9-9:30 at night. Last night it was after midnight just because my brain didn't want to shut off. I'm terrible about over-thinking (as you know from a previous post) and over-analyzing. I can think of so many different scenarios in my mind. What if this, but what if that, but maybe this........................ If there was one thing about myself I could change, it would be to stop over-thinking/analyzing. Either I just care too much or am a bit nutty. Maybe both! LOL
I just like the way my hand fits into his, how we make each other laugh, snuggles, how he grabs my hand to hold it while we're driving down the road................... And those are the things I'm missing terribly.
It's not easy going home to an empty house. Don't get me wrong........ I'd rather be alone than be back in my painful marriage, but I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I want a relationship where we're both deeply in love with each other, not just one sided.
Have any of you ever had similar experiences? How did you handle them? Were you able to walk away? Did you stay?
I wear my heart on my sleeve. I fall in love quickly and deeply. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse to be like that.
I'd love to hear from you if you have any suggestions.
I pray that you're healthy, happy, safe and I pray that you have P.E.A.C.E. in your life! Until we meet again my friends, have a great remainder of your week and weekend!!
Love,
No comments:
Post a Comment