Insecurities..................

Good Afternoon!  January 4, 2017

My mind runs a million miles per hour each and every day.  Does yours?  I can go from something I'm working on that will trip my mind to think about laundry, to a particular piece of clothing and how much it cost and where I purchased it, to cleaning out my closet, to thinking about a special someone I was with when wearing that piece of clothing and what's happening or NOT happening in the relationship, JUST to name a few! LOL

Within all the twists and turns of my thoughts often comes thoughts of insecurities.  Will I EVER get my debt paid off?  Will my family succeed in life?  Will I ever find a close friend that I can confide anything to?  Will I ever get married again?  Am I too unattractive, too fat, too flawed physically, mentally and emotionally?

One of my biggest insecurities is in love/trust.  I just want to get to a place where I feel totally at peace with how things are in my love life.  I have a terrible tendency to second guess myself and other people.  Don't get me wrong....my love has been nothing but kind to me, holds my hand all the time, texts/calls me daily, comes to see me multiple times per week, but due to my own insecurities, I wonder in the back of my mind, will it last or will it all fall apart?   Will he tire of me and find someone else prettier, skinnier, etc... .   God is the only one who knows that. 

These are just a FEW of the MANY questions that go through my mind on a daily basis.  It's always important to remember that God is Large and In Charge, not me.  He has my whole life in the palm of His hand yet it's so challenging to die to myself daily (letting go of all the insecurities and handing it all over to God - I'm still a human being).   It's important to constantly remind myself of WHO is REALLY in charge.  I'm thankful it's NOT me!  I'd REALLY mess things up! LOL


For MANY years I was made to feel insecure, stupid, worthless, fat (which I know I am... ;) I just don't need to be reminded by someone else. I DO own a mirror to which I look at myself and beat myself up daily as is.).  No, I shouldn't do that, but after you've been told horrible things for a good portion of your life, you begin to believe it and to turn those thought processes around is a long and arduous task!

I've been through a year of therapy to get the mental tools needed to deal with the negative cards that were dealt to me most of my life.  It was a WONDERFUL HELP!  I HIGHLY recommend therapy to ANYONE.  It used to be such a taboo thing as people would think of you as a lunatic for seeking therapy. 

WOAH! Talk about transparency today! LOL  I'm going to continue to get more transparent in hopes of helping others in similar situations so that you all know you're NOT alone!

Sometimes when we're going through a difficult situation, it's easy to feel like we're the only one this thing has happened to and that no one else could possibly understand how we're feeling.  Please rest assured that you're not going through any particular situation alone.  It's so important to reach out to others and COMMUNICATE!  When we close ourselves off, we're only hurting ourselves.

Now.......Just to clarify.......... Do I mean you should air out all of your dirty laundry on social media constantly?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!  What I AM saying, is that when you're going through a situation, reach out to family, friends, clergy......SOMEONE, someone that you trust.  Talking about the burden  helps you to deal with your situation.  ALSO.......... DON'T beat the situation to death by OVER-talking about it.  There is a fine balance in everything.

Bottom line, and most importantly, we need to give it all over to God and let HIM handle it.  If we rest in Him and follow his leading, it's the BEST place to be.

Matthew 11:29

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (30)  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”


Sayonara,
Pia